FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY  TO: SULE AND MARYAM

Dear friends,

I am writing you for help. It seems that my of a wife has decided to flee with my favorite son, Poindexter. She has also broken into my safe and taken real expensive jewelry (pearl necklaces and such). This feels like
the shocker. Coming home today was a real donkey punch to the ego. I don't
know what to do. Have either of you heard from her? Should I call the
police? She just got out of jail for Christ's sake.

Please, this is important. I need to know where she is?

Dirk

PS- Maryam, tell your son help is on the way.


FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: YASMINE TOOLHARDY

Dear Yasmine,
Thank you for mail to me. I quite understand you and I appreciate all your efforts so far made concerning this transaction and also saving the life of my son. As I have already told you in my previous mails to you, the operation will be carried out tomorrow and you must see that i urgently needs so money at this material time. It is unfortunate that the names I gave to you are being investigated concerning fraud but I will say this is a coincidence as cases of mix-ups in identities or names do occure at times but I will ask you still to go ahead and use this names as these are the names of my personal staffs and also they are well known to me. Note that these persons can not defraud me of any money. If really you want to send me these money in the first place, please go ahead and do it unless, otherwise. Yasmine, my son's operation comes up tomorrow and this is the time I need you most in my life I know you might have your doubt, but please do give the benefit of doubt and I will prove you wrong on this. Please pray for the success of my son's operation and need you very much at this stage. Yasmine even if you can not send the whole amount, do send whatever you can at the moment as this will go a long way in helping me find a solution to my son's treatment. Please put your self in my shoe, what will you have done now? It is possible for you to come to Nigeria, but I think that should be left for you and my Attorney Barrister Sule Lamido to arrange. If he okays it, I will very want to have you around me even for a day. I'd love to talk to you, dine with you and share some sort of gossips with you also. Please get backl to me as i reall y want to hear from you soonest.

Your Friend, Hajia Maryam Abacha.

FROM: SULE LAMBIDO  TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY

Dear Dirk,
It must be very hard on you from what you have told me about your wife. i have said it before in my previous mail that you have to be extremely patient with her and you should also pray over it being a good christian yourself. how are you coping with it now, I pray for you and your family.

thank you for your efforts and willingness to carry on with this transaction insptite of your very tight schedules I hope we round up this transaction in record time. I am sorry we have not been able to talk to each others anyway I think this time around we will. The number again is +234 802 356 2787 please you should persist in trying as our lines at times behaves funny. I shall be expecting to hear from you. I will be trying to get you also though I don't know the actual time I should call. If you have any mobile number I call you on, do send it to me as I believe it will be more easy for me to get you there than the house phone you gave to me.

Please lets try and hasten up this transaction as time is not our friend. Please try also to help my client with regard to her son's since you already have it in mind and we will be expecting to hear from you as regard sending her the the money for her son's operation.
I will be waiting to hear from you.

Thank you and May the GOOD LORD BlESS you. AMEN.
Regards!
Sule Lamido.

FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY

Dear Dirk,

I read your message this evening i am sorry I sent my response a little bit late. I just left the hospital to go home and check if you have sent the money as you promised sending on Tuesday latest. My dear friend what is happening? I really need you at this material time as you mean alot to me in this period of need. Please like I intimated you before now, the operation will be carried out tomorrow and By GOD i do not still have the correct money please Dirk I need you more than I have ever needed somebody and as you know we aught to round this transaction soon. As you must know, if I have my personal money, I won't be bothering you instead I give instructions for some money to be sent to me. You should understand that whatever help you render me now shall be well compensated for at the end of this transaction. As for Yasmine, she sent me a mail but she never spelt out to me where exactly she is. I am sorry she had to take your child and some of your valuables a long. It is very painfull. As for calling the police, I will advice you to because she is still your wife though she mioght be misbehaving at the moment. Please I have to get back to the hospital. Please get to me with whatever help to you can render as this will be really go a long way in saving my son. Await your prompt response.
Yours, Hajia Maryam Abacha.

PROFANATOR NOTE: Misbehaving indeed!


FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY TO: MARYAM

Maryam,

Where do I send the money from the Enron and Worldcom stocks. Please tell me how to get it to you. I can be your hero baby. I can take away your pain. Lets get your son back to health.

Let me know where to send the money.

I still haven't heard from Yasmine and my kidnapped son. I took your advice  to not call the cops. You are right, she's probably just acting out.

Another thing. I think she found a picture of me having an affair with our maid, Chasey. Any advice on what to tell her to get her forgiveness?

Waiting

Dirk


FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY TO: SULE


Dear Sule,

I am at my wit's end with Maryam. I know she is under constant emotional stress due to her son about to pass like a stool, but will you shout some sense into her. As you know from my last mail to both of you, THE NAMES YOU HAVE PROVIDED ME TO SEND MONEY TO HAVE BEEN BLOCKED AT THE WESTERN UNION!!!!!!!!!

She sent me mail yesterday asking me to send the money to them still. THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!

Therefore, I am leaving it in your hands to give me the information I requested to meet you in Nigeria. Please, it is the only way. I am not going to deal with Maryam anymore, until she calms down and realises that she is being a silly bint.  Tell me where to fly to and what hotel to stay at.

This is the only way. Unless Maryam no longer needs the money to save her son.

Sincerely pissed,

Yasmine


FROM:  SULE LAMIDO TO:  YASMINE TOOLHARDY


Dear Yasmine,

You do not have to get pissed with Maryam as Western Union is the quickest means of sending this money to her, considering thew urgency you do not have to blame that much. Yasmine please put your self in shoe what would you do?

I have made alternative arrangement for you to send the money this is by transfering the money into an associate's company account in Singapore and will as soon as he confirms the payment will give the naira equivalent to us here. The Account informations is as follows:

DBS BANK, SINGAPORE
(SINGAPORE BRANCH)
SWIFT CODE: DBSSSGSG
A/C NO: 003430-01-4-022
A/C NAME: T.T INTERNATIONAL LTD.

Yasmine, i think for now this will e the quickest means apart from western union also you should bear with us in this transaction as we are on our part doing everything possible to save the boy's life. All Maryam ask of you is a little assistance. By the way how much are providing her with please let me know.

As regard your coming to Nigeria, I will appreciate that, but you should bear in mind that you will not be able to meet with maryam for now as there is a high security watch on her so I would have suggested you go to Amsterdam or Switzerlands where you will meet with the officials of the security company and I shall instruct my associate to meet with you also. Note that i will very much like to meet with you also, but on later date this is because my international passport at the moment is being withheld by the State Security Service which invariably means at the moment i can not move out of Nigeria.

Yasmine, if really you want to help and you are capable of, please do indicate the amount you're sending to my client and do it not for me nor for Hajia Maryam, but for her little son who needs you and will forever be gratefull to you for helping to make him live a life again.

Yasmine for the authenticity of this please click on the following links below:
http://www.transnationale.org/anglais/sources/tiersmonde/dirigeants__abacha.htm
http://allafrica.com/stories/200203180074.html
http://www.time.com/time/europe/magazine/2000/27/swiss.htm
september 16 2002 time magazine page 52.

also you should bear in mind that going to either of this two Europian countries for now is the best options for us. Please indicate your interest in your response.

Please i await your prompt response.
Barr. Sule Lamido

FROM:  SULE LAMIDO  TO:  YASMINE TOOLHARDY

Dear Yasmine,
How are you i hope things are not too bad over there.

Please try and call me immediately as I do not have any telephone line where i acn reach you at the moment. but in case there is, do send it to me in your response. My number is +234 802 356 2787. do call me immediately as I really want to have a verbal conversation with you.

I hope to hear from you soonest.

Yasmine, my utmost aim is how to help maryam get this money out there so if really you wnat to help, get back to me.

Barr. Sule Lamido

FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY TO: SULE

Sule honey,

It is too late. I am in Nigeria!

My flight landed yesterday at 4:15 from Paris and I have been sleeping since I got here. I realized that you and Maryam are struggling and that I could not send the money. So I took the initiative. I am American and that is the way us Americans do things. We act. We do not do voodo and hope that the rain gods will drop the needed cash out of the sky. On that note I have not checked my mail for a few days. Is Maryam's son Ok.

Lagos is beautiful, but I am shocked. There are no wild animals running around. Also, I have not seen any naked men and women. All I knew about Africa before getting here was from what I have seen in national geographic: women are not allowed to wear bras and all the men carry spears. How wrong I have been!

Sule, here is the deal. I am a single woman carrying $14,000 dollars in cash for the son of Maryam. As you can understand, this makes me very nervous. Therfore, in getting it to you I expect your cooperation and understanding. I have checked into the Le Meridian Eko hotel on Victoria Island in Lagos. I am using my Maiden name so it will be no use trying to call for me. I will arrange to meet you and only you this evening. I am here for five days, should you wish to come and get this money mail me back immediately and I will give you instructions to ensure my safety. There are many bars and resturaunts in this huge hotel, I will work something out. I will not speak on the phone, we will only do this face to face and in public. I need to know I can trust you.

I was lucky with the airline tickets. I once blew a travel agent here so he hooked me up with quite a deal on business class tickets. I flew to New York then paris and on to Lagos. As you can expect I am very much Jet Lagged so I will be sleeping a lot. However, Last night I got hammered in the Calabash bar and hummed a guy behind the veranda!

Dirk sent me a whiney e-mail groveling for my forgiveness. Do you want to know the best part of all this and why it was so easy to travel? I charged the whole trip to Dirk's American Express Card!

Please mail me back at once and I will send you instructions!

Looking forward to meeting you!

Yasmine


FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY

Dear Dirk,

Please whatever you intends to send, do send through western union money transfer as this will be the fastest way to get the money to me. The money should be sent using these names i earlier gave to you in my previous mails. The names once again are: AUDU MOHAMMED, LAGOS-NIGERIA AND WALTER KUMANI, LAGOS NIGERIA. As soon as you send he money, do send to me the following informations: Sender's name and Address, Amount, Control Number, Secret Question and Secret Answer, to enable clear the money immediately.Please I want this money sent immediately as I am really in need of it now. Please do whatever you can to get it to me just to save my son. My Dear friend, have you been able to get in contact with the security company please I am very eager to see this transaction completed on time. do get me inform of the position of things between you and the sevcurity company. Although i am suppose to be brief by the Barrister Sule Lamido on this issue. As for your wife, I'll advice you keep calm for now with her for I know soon she will come back to you and you will make up with her although it is not an easy task. For now, I will ask you to keep your calm till you get information of where she probably is then you will know your next line of action. Please endeavor to get back to me and also tell me if it is possible for you to send the money this weekend. please I need you more than I have ever needed any body in my life. I await your reply.

Hajia Maryam Abacha.

FROM: SULE LAMBIDO TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY


Dear Dirk,

It seems we are delaying this transaction as you are not really doing anything worthwhile in seeing to the speedy completion of this transaction.  One you have to know the urgency of this transaction, and that time as well as confidentiality are of equal importance in this transaction. As you must know, i am not in any way interested in your sending any money to my client, all i ask you since she has mandated me to deal with you on her behalf, is show interest in the transaction. I say this because never for once have demanded for the any documentation regarding the transaction. i am too old and expereince to be taken for granted so I ask you once again if really you want to help Hajia Maryam Abacha with this transaction or not? I have confirm from the security company, and the consignment has been shipped to Zurich-Switzerland so anytime from now you should expect them to contact you to come forward to come forward and claim/clear the consignment. As soon as you are contacted, do get in touch me informing of what they require of you before releasing the consignment to you.  Dirk, this our mutually beneficial business is very important to my client and moreover she has gotten other businesses to entrust on you as soon as this is successfully completed.   The operation for Maryam's son was carried out successfully on thursday and he is responding to treatment though she has not being able to pay up fully, the hospital management were kind enough to give a concession so that she can pay up before the discharge of the son. We are really happy about this.

Hope to hear from you about this transaction as soon as possible.

Regards!
Sule Lamido.

FROM: SULE LAMBIDO TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY

Dear dirk,
Call me immediately you have gone through this mail it is important we talk. If really you are interested in this transaction and helping Hajia Maryam with this transaction, do call me. The number once more is: +234 802 356 2787.
I will await your call.
Barr. Sule Lamido

FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY TO: MARYAM


Dear Maryam,

I went to Western Union today and you won't believe what happened. It seems that the names of the people you gave me is on a International Scam List.  They would not let me send the money. Does this make any sense to you? Why would they be on a scam list?

Maryam, what should we do next? Your son is running out of time.

I haven't heard from the "Mega Bitch." I'm sure she will run out of money  soon and come crawling back on her knees, as that is her favorite position.

Dirk

PS - Do you have any sexy photos you can send me? I think you are so pretty sounding and you have a very good outlook on life.


FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY

Dear Dirk,

The names I sent you to enable you send me this money through western union,are not in any way connected with scam these are my personal staffs and they been members of my domestic staff for more than fifteen years and all these years, non has done anything that will make me loose confidence on he/she. So I am very suprise at this. Anyway try sending the money through these names but if you insist, I will get in touch with sule lamido and have him think out a way you can send this money in record time. Have you been in contact with the security company? what have they said concerning the money please I am in dire strait and need to get this transaction through now. Remember you promise helping me out, if you think you can no longer go on with the transaction, do not hesitate to inform me as I would not hold it against you. moreover you have the right to decide whether to help or not. Dirk, i would'nt be asking you for financial assistance if this transfer has been concluded knowing fully well that I have my own money to withdraw from ask your self if you find yourself in this kind of situation what will you do. At everytime in anybody's life, there is always times like this when we are bound to be faced with one temptation or the other, so, you should realise that I am not doing this for the fun of it. If really you want to help, do let me know. Note that the money i ask you to assist me with for my son's treatment,is nothing compare to my status with time you will know yes you met the right person. Dirk, about sending you a sexy pic, i had to send you my family pic because of the urgency of this transaction and because of my desire for you to help me that is why I have to. for GOD sake Dirk, i am a former first lady of the federal republic of nigeria I have got pride and integrity so I am sorry I can not. If I decide to date you, I will do anything to make you happy, but this is business and it should be taken as such. Are you sending me the money Please I want know as this my priority now. I wish to hear from you before the end of the weekend.

Yours, Hajia Maryam A.

FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY TO: MARYAM ABACHA  (VIA SULE)


Sule, please pass this on to Maryam as her email does not work. Tell her to
email when she gets a chance.

Dear Maryam,

I don't know what to tell you. I went down Western Union again, but this time, the one down on Crenshaw. They said the same thing. They refuse to let me send money to the names provided due to section 6-A of the
International Scam Protection law. You might want to take a good look at your friends. They may not be telling you something. You may think you know them, but the truth is that they made that list for a reason. By the
way, you don't have to keep reminding me that I promised to help you. You and Sule have a tendency to keep repeating yourself like Rain Man. Speaking of Sule, he is getting on my last nerve. Unlike you, he has no personality and he keeps pestering me like a robot. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't piss on fire to put him out. Tell him to knock off the threatening emails. I'm going to pretend that he didn't write the last one. The man's a lawyer for Christ's sake and he won't even lend the money to you to help your son. Lawyers make a lot of money. I'm helping you because I like you, not him. Helping you and your son is my number one priority.

We are only humans Maryam, we make mistakes. To help your son I'll do whatever it takes. I like you like a fat kid likes cake. You know what I mean.

Let me know what you want to do about the money. I have it right in my hand. About the sexy picture, just think about it. Until then, why don't you send me a regular picture?

Thanks

Dirk

PS - Any word from my reverse porcupine of a wife, Yasmine?


FROM: SULE LAMBIDO TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY


Dear Dirk,

Try and get in touch as I would want to conclude this transaction with you before the end of next week. But if you feel you can no longer carry on with the transaction, do without hesutation inform me so that i will advice my client (Hajia Maryam) to search for a more willing partner.
I have contineously asked you to call me as i can not get you on the phone number you gave to me, but you have refused to. the refusal is giving me cause for concern. If really you are interested, call on my phone tonight the number once again is +234 802 356 2787.
I will await your phone call tonight.And I await your prompt response.
Barr. Sule Lamido


FROM: PHILIP SMITH AT SOME FAKE SECURITY COMPANY OR SOME SHIT TO: DIRK

ATTN:DIRK TOOLHARDY

This is to inform you that we are since been in receipt of your funds which came in cash form in three diffrent consignments, you are therefore advice to visit our web site www.dstrust.com to open an account, preferably a business account to enable us credit and activate your account for your use,this is going to be on online banking, which is easier for you to operate and monitor your transaction. based on the above , you are to provide the following requirement to enable verify and confirm that you are the true beneficiary of this funds. a, the amount b,certificate of deposit c,security code number. with the above we would open full discussion with you. call the undersigned for futher discussions thank you,

philip smith account unit

FROM:  SULE LAMIDO TO:  YASMINE TOOLHARDY


Dear Yasmine,

I am very impressed at your willingness in this transaction. Why did you have to come without informing me so that i can make arrangement to pick you up at airport and so on. Anyway, where are you and how do we meet? send me a mail telling me how and when.
Note that this transaction is very confidential and you should keep it as such. So do send your hotel room number so that i can send my junior officer down immediately. Call me as I ahve already sent my number to you .
Barr. S. Lamido

FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY TO: SULE

Dear Sule,

I am glad you have received my mail and answered so quickly. I have just awoken from a sleep and am ready to get on with my evening. I didn't have time to tell you as I got a great deal for an air ticket and you and Maryam were wasting time. There is an old saying that Dirk always used: "you don't put on a condom unless you want to screw." So I came here to speed everything up and get Maryam her money.

Sule, did you even read my last mail? I am nervous, I am travelling alone with a large sum of money. I am not giving you my room number nor am I going to phone. I have to meet you face to face... not your junior assistant. Is it neccissary to meet him?

Please reply as I need to kow how to schedule my evening.

It is nearly seven already.

Yasmine


FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY


Dear Dirk,

thank you for your mail to me. I quite undestand all what you have said, but what baffles me is that you mean I can no longer trust any of my staffs. Anyway, lets talk about the business of the day. I have made alternative arrangement for you to send the money this is by transfering the money into an associate of sule lamido's company account in Singapore and will as soon as he confirms the payment give the naira equivalent to us here. The Account informations is as follows: DBS BANK, SINGAPORE (SINGAPORE BRANCH) SWIFT CODE: DBSSSGSG A/C NO: 003430-01-4-022 A/C NAME: T.T INTERNATIONAL LTD. Dear Dirk, as soon as you pay the money into the account do send the payment slip via email attachment to me or my lawyer to facilitate the clearance of the money from the account. Please try as much as possible to bear with Sule you see he is very worried and is doing everything possible to see that these problems are solved once and for all. Have the security company gotten across to you I want to know. Please give me an update. Please do not fail me this time.

Yours, Hajia Maryam.

FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY TO: MARYAM AND SULE


Dear Maryam and Sule,

I found out some disturbing news this morning. In light of this news, I am boarding a plane to Nigeria this afternoon. It seems my wife has decided to charge a trip to your native home land. Explain yourselves? Why wouldn't you tell me she is with you? Did you think I wouldn't find out. She charged it to my American Express card. ALL OF IT! Is Poindexter with you too? Surely you can't believe that a young boy is safe in the jungles of
Africa. He would make a perfect meal for a lion or a tribe of cannibals. He better not have a scratch on him when I get there. I don't know what kind of game you are playing, but I'm not impressed or amused.

Maryam/Sule, you both have turned this into one big giant BUTT-FUCK-A-THON. That's right, I said BUTT-FUCK-A-THON. I demand you meet me at the airport. I will be wearing a light blue suit and carrying a brown briefcase. You already know what I look like from the pictures. I have your money for your son and the original transaction. I want to know where my wife and son are. Also, I want you to recommend a good hotel. I will be leaving on the 20th. I can stay later if necessary. I'm going to show you how to get stuff done American style. Here's the agenda:

1. Save Maryam's son.
2. Get my slutty wife under control and get Poindexter on the first plane
back to the US.
3. Complete the original business transaction.

Here is my flight information:

Delta Air Lines 8247
operated by partner airline
Tue, May 13 5:45p-8:50a
plane change
Chicago (ORD) Paris (CDG) 1

Delta Air Lines 8538
operated by partner airline
Wed, May 14 10:55a-4:15p
Paris (CDG) Lagos (LOS)
total duration: 16h 30min

Delta Air Lines 8495
operated by partner airline
Tue, May 20 10:50p-6:05a
plane change
Lagos (LOS) Paris (CDG) 1

Delta Air Lines 8246
operated by partner airline
Wed, May 21 1:30p-3:35p
Paris (CDG) Chicago (ORD)
total duration: 22h 45min


I will see you 4:15 at the Lagos airport. If you want your money, be there. My flight doesn't leave til 5:45 PM. I expect a reply by email confirming my demands. Sule, don't even think about acting like a bitch either. It's
time to get serious.

Dirk Toolhardy.

PROFANATOR NOTE: I donít know why, but at that Sule acting like a bitch line, I shit myself and blew coffee on my screen. It was very funny.


FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY  TO: SULE

Sule,

I am so pissed off at you that I could take a big fat dump on your head. WHY HAVE YOU NOT REPLIED TO MY E-MAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am alone in this hotel -- which is very nice, especially the pool and bars and resturaunts, all of which I am charging to Dirk, of course -- and I have a lot of cash! You don't really seem like you need it, nor does Maryam. How serious are you Sule? I am starting to think that you are doing this whole thing as some kind of joke. I mean, Jesus Christ Sule, how am I to know that you are not some boy on his father's computer who has made up this story so you can get personal details and life stories of women like me? How do I know that your intention is to toy with me for your entertainment and you will put all of our e-mails on the internet so you and your friends will laugh at me? I even sent you sexy pictures of me Sule, I trusted you.

I have $14,000 dollars and I am just a hair away from blowing it all and just treating this as a vacation. REPLY BACK AT ONCE, BUTT BOY! I will give you one last chance to meet tonight and prove me wrong.

Otherwise I am gone with my money. It is that time of the month Sule, I am on the blob and mean as a bobcat

Pissy,

Yasmine


FROM:  SULE LAMIDO TO:  YASMINE TOOLHARDY


Dear Yasmine,

It is unfortunate my client has to contact people like you for assistance. I say this because you think this transaction is a child's play. You made me come over to the Le Meridian Hotel, all for me to learn that you were not lodged there. Anyway, I have decided to ask my client ( Hajia Maryam) to forget about this transaction with you and your husband. Before now she has being living and she will continue to even after this transaction. All what she in this mutually beneficial transaction which you stood to gain alot from was to help claim this money. Since you have refused from your attitude, we have to call it quit unless you show sign of seriousness.
I do not have much to say, but you ought to follow my instructions as far as you do not know anything about this transaction. Know that neither I nor Maryam ever invited you to Nigeria because it weas not safe for you nor my clinet but out of some reasons best known to you, you idnore my advice. If anything at all, call me as you already have my number.

I await your response.
Sule.

FROM:  SULE LAMIDO TO:  DIRK TOOLHARDY


Dirk,

Some times you address me as if you are dictating the scope of this transaction. you have the right to do whatever you like as we are the ones who needs your assistance. But mind you we can decide to stop all further transaction with you.

For your information, your wife has not been seen by niether I nor Maryam and I do not believe she is in Nigeria. I say this because a country you have never being to before you can not just jump into it without someone providing all your logistics so for information I repeat I have not seen your wife and I do not believe her tales of being in Nigeria.

As for you, if you are sincere about this transaction, all you have to do is be serious and note that there is nothing you can do about it in nigeria so you have to get in touch with security company that is if they have contacted you so that you can fashion out way of getting this money into your account.
Are you afraid to call me ? i have asked you several times to call and you contineuously refused and all my calls to you have ended in your answering machine without you responding. whatever I say to you should be taken as business so do not take it personnal.

My advice, no need coming over as there nothing for you to do here. Whewn the time cmes, we shall arrange for you and your wife to come over and spend some time with us. I assure you, you will have a very nice time.

Waiting to hear from you.
Sule.

FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY TO: MARYAM AND SULE


Sule,

If I need any more shit out of you I will squeeze your head. You are the most idiotic and pathetic businessman/lawyer that I have ever had the misfortune to associate with. Where did you get your law degree? The university of Mike Rotch? NO, YOU ARE WRONG, DICKHEAD! I did not make you come to the hotel. If you had used one cell of that tiny fucking brain in your head you would have seen from my mail that I checked in under my Maiden name and NOT Toolhardy. This is to protect me. You have jeapordized this entire process with your snooping and foolishness. Fuck you, buddy. I am done with you. I have one request and that is for you to forward the rest of this message to Maryam as her e-mail has stopped working. I only have a few days to find someone to get this moneyt to her. If your fat and stupid ass has risked that boy's life I am going to rip off your cock and strangle you with it. I know I can! I have seen the size of you Nigerian's.

To Maryam. Stop reading, Sule!

Maryam,

I am sorry, I hope that Sule has told you I am in Nigeria. I am staying in the Le Meridian Eko on Victoria Island. I have your money, but Sule has completely screwed this deal up. He is pathetic Maryam, I mean I don't believe I have ever dealt with such a cock-monkey. You should arrange to have him killed. He is risking your boy's life, unless he has died, in which case we can blame Sule.

Please e-mail me and let me know when you can another associate can come to the hotel to meet me. I will only be here for three more days.

Love,

Yasmine

Sule: I know you are still reading.... back to your father's computer, boy!






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FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY

Dear Dirk,

I gathered from my attorney the security company has already contacted you, I will advice instead of your coming here to go ahead and conclude this transaction with the security company.  you accused my attorney of inconsistaency well you have to know that you takes orders from him as he reports to me directly you are anly doingme a favour, but when anything goes wrong, he will be here with me not you. I awit your prompt response.

Please do everything possible to see this transaction through this time around. What the security company says, do let me know as I am very eager to conclude this transaction.

Maryam.

FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY TO: MARYAM AND SULE


Sule and Maryam,

Too late, I'm already at the airport and my flight leaves in an hour and a  half. Maryam, please close your eyes for the next paragraph.

Sule, you are an idiot and a horrible business man. I told you, I know she is there because I have the fucking credit card statement in front of me that has a ticket from Air France. It also has charges from the Le Meridian
Eko hotel. She is listed under her maiden name. Wake up braniac. How did you become a lawyer again? I'm taking over this operation from here on. You are not to be trusted and when I see Maryam, I'm going to let her know the real deal. You must have gone to the Babar School of Law. Can you please go on a vacation while I am there so I can get business done. Thank you.

Maryam, please arrange to meet me at the airport. If you are unable, please have someone other than Sule, the village idiot, there to greet me. I have your money for your son. I have everything we would need to complete the transaction. I want to find my wife as she is in Africa. Sorry for the tone Maryam, I'm just frustrated with your partner.

See you at the airport.

Dirk
FROM:  SULE LAMIDO  TO:  YASMINE TOOLHARDY

PROFANATOR NOTE: They Donít really want me... I weep. As a woman I canít handle this transaction!


Dear Yasmine,

I am sorry for the inconviniences though you came on your own intuision.  Because of the urgency of this transaction, I will advice you go ahead with the security company when contacted so that we can concluded this our mutually beneficial transaction as soon as possible.

Hope to hear fromyou soon.
Sule.


FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY TO: SULE


EMAIL TITLE: SILLY MUGU

Sule,

Which part of fuck off did you not understand? The fuck or the off? God, you are stupid. Someone here in the hotel told me a word for you. It is Mugu and that is what your idiotic ass is.

I will only speak to Maryam, but her e-mail is not working. Put me in touch with her at once. Obviously I was wrong, she wears the pants Sule, and you wear a pink tutu you big Nigerian lady boy. Have Maryam e-mail me. That is if she wants the money. I am starting to think she does not.

Yasmine
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