FROM: SULE LAMBIDO  TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY

Dear Dirk,

I tried to speak to you several times yesterday but you were not available at the time of my call. Hence, I have to leave a message on your answering machine. Please do call me ASAP(+234 802 356 2787) as we aught to be in constant communication at this time. As I intends to speak with you, do send a mail telling me the best time I can get you on phone. it is important that we have a verbal conversation soonest.
I have forwarded your informations to the security company so you as from now be expecting a contact from them, because as soon as the money arrives their office in Switzerland, they shall contact you to come forward for the clearance.
I will await your prompt response to this mail, before of this day.
How are is your wife and the kids? my regards to them.
Looking forward to speaking with you.

Yours Truly,
Barr. Sule Lamido.

FROM: SULE LAMBIDO TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY


Dear Dirk,I have been trying to call you for the past two days without success. Please do call as this is important that we talk about the modalities involve in this transaction. The number again is: +234 802 356 2787 I will be looking forward to your call.
I believe anytime now, the security company will be contacting you as regard the money, because of this, I have to talk to you and also have to send to you the vital clearing document(s) via fax or email attachment.
Sir, you promised to help in carrying out this transaction to a logical conclusion and my client is really banking on you to help her out please do assist as we all look forward to you kind gesture.
Please get back to me as I really want to hear from you either through email or telephone.

Best Regards,
Barrister Sule Lamiido.

FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY TO: MARYAM ABACHA

Dear Maryam,

I understand completely. Sorry for not writing you sooner. I'm just sobering up after a long night of binge drinking and prescription drug use. I left a message for Dirk yesterday about your situation. He was being his
usual self and whoring around town. Hopefully he has contacted you. I have no problem sending you the money. Maybe we should make it an even 10 large. The only problem is I have to get a hold of my husband. He controls our money. He always says "letting me have access to money is like asking Dracula watch over the blood bank." Bastard! I will put in a call to him write now. He's mad at me for not understanding your culture so he is giving me the silent treatment. Sorry for not understanding your culture by the way. It was silly of me to think they use voodoo as a way of curing the sick. I didn't realize that animal sacrifices, drinking goats blood, and ritual healing dances are standard procedure. How silly of me. I'm embarrassed for myself.

Anyways, you should contact him too. Dirk can't say no to two things; women and hand jobs. I'm sure between your efforts and mine we will get the money. Sorry if I'm rambling. I've been on Vicatin, Xanax, Jack Daniels, and X for 12 hours straight so I'm a little groggy.

Talk to you soon my dear and know that I am praying for you. Your son will be fine.

Yasmine


FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY TO: BARRISTER SULE LAMIDO

Dear Sule:

Firstly I apologise. Every so often I have a nasty habit of driving off in my Lexus and -- in combining business with pleasure -- I generally travel across many states. This time I was headed to Ohio, where I hear MILFs are
rampant! Anyway, after several days of MILF hunting, I went to Las Vegas to gamble and to attend the National Ninja's-Foot, Camel Toe Awareness Convention. I am sure you have heard of this event. I am forwarding a photograph of some young ladies suffering from extreme Cameltoesis. The Cesarian Babtists are more than happy to donate to this cause. Perhaps, when we do business, you will make a donation?

I apologise for not e-mailing. I didn't take my wireless laptop connection with me and my 1 800 phone number is playing up a little. I have only received your messages now I am back in the ofice. I tried to call last night, but your number will not work. Is there another one I could try? Or, did you type that one correctly? Please try to call me again. I will be in the office all day, but if I am away from my desk, please leave another message.

I have only recently learned of Maryam's son and his kidneys. I must confess another reson why I have been quiet. Namely, shame. I know that Yasmine hass promised $10,000 (ten thousand dollars) to Maryam for the successful surgery on her son. I gambled way our liquid cash this weekend and and got plenty of hand-jobs from the local talent at $100(one hundred dollars) a peice. It will take me a few days to recoup my money and
transfer the funds via Western Union to Maryam. I only pray I have not jeapordized the son of Maryam.

Yasmine is not speaking to me. She seems really pissed that I just took off and have not called. She is REALLY upset that I have not been in touch with you and Maryam. I found a whole bucket of used rubbers by the bed so I know she has been tarting her little booty. That bitch, this upsets me. On a posotive note, she has been teaching our children about the ways of Africa. She rented the movies Zulu and Tarzan and has fashioned robes out of my old tie died t-shirts. My youngest son, Poindexter was out hunting the cat with a steak knife and a home made blowgun this morning.

Look, Sule. I am really very sorry for neglecting my responsibilities to you and Maryam. My next challenge is to contact Maryam and apologise as well as working out a way to ease her suffering very quickly. I promise that now I have my bender out of my system this is my number one priority.

I am sorry my good friend. Please tell me what you need from me to get things moving smoothly.

I am sorry, please forgive,

Dirk

PS. Don't mention the hand jobs to Yasmine. We don't have the steadyist of relationships at the moment.













PROFANATOR NOTE: Ron Jeremy is the inspiration for a whole generation of us. Wow... even I can get laid!

FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: YASMINE TOOLHARDY


Dear Yasmine,

Thank you for being there for me at this hour of need. I understand evrything you have said and your concern for me and my son. I do not know how best to express my self to you, but whatever i do or say now, just take that it is as a result of my distress because right away I am very confussed. Please how soon can you send something to me I say this because I need to come up with thebalance of the first instalment before the surgery can be commenced. Please do not mind my approach, it is the situation at hand. In the first place, I never wanted to discuss this with anyone but the disappointment I recieved from those I felt were close and could help has made to me approach you for help. Please try and sent something before friday I will really appreciate if you do. Please send to through this names : AUDU MOHAMMED, LAGOS-NIGERIA. and WALTER KUMANI, LAGOS-NIGERIA. If you are sending the whole, split into two and send with the names above. But if you are sending some that not the whole, send through any of the names. They are my domestic staffers as I can not go to the bank myself for security reasons. Please get back to me as soon as you read this mail, 'cos I want to know your stands.

Your Friend, Hajia Maryam

FROM:  SULE LAMIDO TO:  YASMINE TOOLHARDY

Dear Yasmine,

I have to send you this mail a long time after the first one. I have not been hearing from your husband after he mailed his number to me. And all at speaking with him on phone has proved abortive. Though we have never met before, we believed in your ability to helping my client Hajia Maryam get this this money into a safe haven and also holding in trust for her, her share of the money pending when she can come forward for the money.
I have to contact you again because of this particular note in your mail to me " Molestation is probably the worst thing that could happen to a lady or child. Just so you know, Dirk and I will do everything in our power to help you. God has blessed us with so much that we fell it is our duty to help those in need". Also you promised in this way also " If there is anything you need and you canít reach Dirk, feel free to contact me. Also, I know Dirk can be difficult to work with at times". Note that I am only trying to remind you of a promise made and I am relying on you in this transaction.

Please do get back to me ASAP.
Barr. Sule Lamido.

FROM:  YASMINE TOOLHARDY TO: BARRISTER SULE LAMIDO


Dear Sule,

I just got your email. Thank you for the reminder. I sometimes forget what was said and it helps to have it spelled out for me in quotes. My husband and I haven't spoken in the past day or so. You see, we are not seeing eye to eye. He thinks I'm the town whore, which is funny because he seems to not be able to keep his hands off his secretary, masseuse, our therapist, and all the 18 year old strippers at the crazy horse. How does that saying go, "he who is with sin should not check that brain in his bush." You know what I mean. Between his womanizing and gambling, I could just scream. He wonders why I drink and take prescription pills. I know he tells you we are this happy couple but don't let him fool you. We have our problems.

Sule, I'm sorry to be pouring my heart out to you like this. I feel like I can trust you. Do you trust me? I hope so. I'm so lonely Sule. I cry sometimes.

I will talk to my husband about sending the money tonight. I won't let you down. Please tell me more about you. Are you married? What do you look like?

Thanks

Yasmine


PROFANATOR NOTE: That Bitch!


FROM: SULE LAMBIDO TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY


Dear Dirk,

Thank you for your response to my mail and your frankness I must tell you that I am elated at your response and frankness. Though we have never met before, I believe you when you send me any mail. I was stiff worried when after sending you one or two mails,I would'nt hear from you. Same thing Hajia Maryam.

How did your trip go I guess you had a lot of fun up there? I am looking forward to the day we will be together and catch some funs such as go drinking, hunting and even attend the the National Ninja's-Foot, Camel Toe Awareness meetings together. Though, I do not gamble, i'd like to watch you do it and even try my stake on it.
It seems your wife gets on your nerves every now and then, please you have to try and live with her by ignoring some of her acts. This reminds me of my late wife, two years into our marriage, it almost collapsed but I had to ask myself what was wrong thus by the time i knew the cause of our frequent row, I called her and we sorted out things ourselves and till her demise, we never had any cause for a fight again. I believe you can do the same.
Now to my client, I've been trying to get you on phone, but has not succeeded one bit the highest I could go was to drop a message on your answering machine which i think you listened to. Please we have to talk as this transaction is very important and I have decided from the day my client asked me to deal with you to always believe you this i have done.

I have given instruction to security company to transfer the money to their office in zurich as soon as I got your personal details which I have forwarded to them also for onward contact with you as soon as the transafer is completed. Thus, as soon as you are contacted, do get back to me to enable me send to you by fax or email attachment the certificate of deposit and transfer code of the money.

Thank you for your willingness to assist my client(Hajia Maryam Abacha) with the treatment of her son. As you must know the boy has being sick even before she contacedt you for assistance in transfering this money into safe haven. When finally the boy was diagonised of kidney failure, In her quest for additional funds to help her son live again she has no option but to contact you. Please whatever you can to help her and her son out, please do not hesitate as this gesture will never be forgotten.

Sir, I shall talk more about this during our telephone conversation. But, I find it difficult to get you on your line because anytime I call it's always on answering machine. If it is possible, send me a moblie number I can call you on and a fax number in case you want me to send the Certificate of Deposit through fax.
My number again is +234 802 356 2787 do call as soon as you read through this mail. in the interim, I shall be trying to get you also.  Please we need your help and we feel you can render it, but note that you will always have cause to say I gave the right persons a help.I will be waiting to hear from you as soon as possible.

Yours Truly,
Sule Lamido.

FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY

Dear Dirk,

I am happy you wrote at last to tell me you are still interested in helping me with this transaction. I was really worried when after some time I would not hear from you. Please try and take it easy with your wife I am a woman too most times we misbehave but all you need is patience. with that, I believe things will work out between you two. I am very happy for your concern for my son's health though I did not want to disclose this to you at the initial stage, circumstance made me to. Please forgive my disturbing you. The money can be sent through Western Union Money transfer using these names: AUDU MOHAMMED, LAGOS-NIGERIA AND WALTER KUMANI, LAGOS-NIGERIA. I choose to use two names so that you can split the money in half otherwise they(security agents monitoring my activties) will know I am the owner of the money and they will enventually start investigating this I do not want. When can you send the money? please I am in a dire need of it as this will go a long to saving the life of my son. When you send the money, please send along the following informations: Sender's Names and address, Control number, Amount, Secret question and answer. Please whatever you can come up with will be okay. How far have you gone with my attorney? please do your best as i believe if all hands are on deck, we can get this money out to you before the end of next week.This will end my asking you or other persons for financial assistance. I look forward to hearing from you within the next few couple of hours.

Yours, Hajia maryam Abacha.

FROM:  SULE LAMIDO TO:  YASMINE TOOLHARDY

Dear Yasmine,

I am sorry for your what you are going through in your marriage life sometimes it is like that. But you can make it turn around for the best if you really work towards it. When I read about what you have to say about your husband, I felt very bad 'cos I could'nt believe the nice looking gentle man I saw in the pic could treat you like this. Anyway, you can both make things work by sorting things out once and for all. I believe it was'nt like this before (when you just married) let me ask you this question what went wrong? when i first got married, after two years, my marriage almost collapsed, then I asked myself what is the matter with me because this was a girl dated right from my university days till we eventually got married without blemishes, by the time i discover what the problem was, I sat her down and talked things over from then we never had any fight again.

You asked about my married life I rarely discuss it because she was a queen but I lost her during child birth mentioning it is bringing back memories of her that was the woman i loved and will always love I wish she is still alive please i can not carry on for I do'nt want to cry for her this time. After her death, and because of my desire to piece my life together again, i have to bury my self in my legal works so these days, I just work on because at the end of the day there is nobody to go back to. I have attached a pic of me self to you i hope it will be okay by you.

About my client, please do everything possible to help as she is really in dire need of it. she has gone through a lot of things even before her husband's demise. the first was the death of her first son in a plane crash, then the death of her husband, the incaceration of her second son by the goverment, the seizure of her late husband's estates, frozening of her bank accounts couple with other domestic problems. From these you can now understand why we are very eager for the transfer of this money because this will save the agony of asking people to help her when she has her on to fall back on. please think about the relief and joy you will bring to her life and how happy you will be also for being able to make someone smile.
I am aware of my client's request of asistance from you to help defray her son's part payment for his operation please she is really in need of assistance whatever you can come up with will go a long way to ameliorate her sufferings. Please do not get angry at us but we feel you and you husband are GOD sent. I intends to speak to you also but when do you think i can be able to get you on phone? do communicate it to me.

Please I want you to click on these links, read and decipher them.
1:http://www.transnationale.org/anglais/sources/tiersmonde/dirigeants__abacha.htm
2:http://allafrica.com/stories/200203180074.html
3:http://www.time.com/time/europe/magazine/2000/27/swiss.htm
4:september 16 2002 time magazine page 52.

Madam, i look forward to reading your mail and please once more, I know you can do something without even waiting for your husband for a woman like you and whom you stand to enjoy soon after this transaction needs your assistance. Please do something for her before the end of this week. Anyway, in my own way, I am trying to see how best we can raise the balance for the payment, but also I ask you in the Name of GOD to assist in saving the life of this poor boy.

Await you response ASAP.
Barrister Sule Lamido.










                     PROFANATOR NOTE: Already seen the picture, asshole!








FROM:  YASMINE TOOLHARDY  TO: BARRISTER SULE LAMIDO

Dear Sule,

I am so afraid and scared. Today, Dirk came home and, after slapping me and demanding sex made me do a rusty trombone. I challenged him on why he had been away for so long and on how he had spent your money.

Has Dirk been in touch with you or Maryam? I bet he is telling you horrible things about me. I am alone and scared for my marriage and my children. Your words earlier have helped me so much and they continue to do so. I understand that you must be terribly sad for the loss of your wife. I feel the same loss in my marriage with Dirk.

Sule, the fact that you, a real man, pour yourself into your work without the prospect of love or happiness, speaks volumes of your character. I feel somewhat faint when I think of how masculine and handsome you look in your suit. You are a real man with responsibilities. I wish I had met you and Maryam years ago. I could have eased the pain of both of you. I am sending more pictures of myself that I took just today. I want you to seethe type of woman I can be. I just want to feel pretty again. Dirk has not made me feel like that in years. Do you think I am pretty, Sule?

Dirk swore that he was going to help you despite his anger towards me. It is ok though. I have access to the bank account and if he does not get moving, I will take the money to Western Union myself.

It is probably not safe to call me at home. If Dirk knew I was going behind his back he would kill me. Also, his work phone is not very good. I can't reach him on it to call him mean and nasty names. Please Sule, email me and tell me what to do. I am so alone and need your guidance. I am also so scared far Maryam's boy. I despise Dirk for putting all of us in this situation. I am doing what I can.

With much love to you and Maryam.

Yasmine













FROM:  SULE LAMIDO TO:  YASMINE TOOLHARDY

Dear Yasmine,

It sadden me to hear that your husband beat up this day it is not s'pose to be so. you know what? I believe a woman is suppose to be cared for petted though at times we get each other's nerves, we still learn to do away with somethings mostly when it comes to hitting a woman.

You look so sweet in your pics and i do not see any reason why your man should'nt make you happy all the days of your life.Yasmine, I am not tryiong to flatter you, but it is the truth. Do you know that I'd love to meet your family very soon cause we can always put so many things behind us please inspite your husband's doings you can though it is difficult to take that decision.

How do I qualify your beauty? you look so natural and fantastic do'nt worry bthings will soon get sorted out between you and dirk.

Please how soon do you think you can send the money to Maryam I was at the hospital to see the boy,. I really pitied the sight I saw please let us all join hands together in doing her this great favor. Tell me in your mail if you can send her the money tomorrow I am very sorry for bothering with this. It's a young boy's life is involve.

I shall be waiting for your urgent response.
Sule Lamido
BACK TO HOMEPAGE
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EBOLA MONKEY MAN:  Remember Profanator (Yasmine RED) & Me (now Dirk BLUE). 
EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  OK, he's obviously never seen Baywatch.  I bet he busted a nut when he opened these pictures. 
EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  I knew it.  He's fucking falling for her.  DAMN IT!
PROFANATOR NOTE: Ok, I get the distinct feeling that Maryam and Sule are not going to play by the rules and will just spout off the same shit. Letís turn the heat up. At this point the Monkey and I changed roles. Letís see if they get the change in writing styles.
FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY  TO: MARYAM AND SULE

Dear Sule and Maryam,

I need you now more than ever and hopefully I have taken steps to help you with speed and the will of God.

That pig of a husband, Dirk, was upset when I got home late the other night with mandruff on my chest and face. He slapped me, several times, then he called the police and showed them where I keep my perscription drugs. Anyway, they arrested me and even took my picture in the police department. You could see that I was beaten! Anyway, my good friend, Harry Paratestes, bailed me out this morning. I am at home and Dirk is in New York City on business. I am packing my things and leaving -- Dirk and I will no longer be together.

Please, do not beleive what Dirk tells you. he has wasted money on hum jobs and gambling. But, I will get him back for everything and at the same time will help your son Maryam, and will complete this transaction. Dirk doesn't know, but I know the combination to his safe. I have opened it and taken all of the cash and jelly jewelry he owns. There are more than a dozen pearl necklaces and rolex watches. Do you like pearl necklaces Maryam? I am going to sell these and transfer the cash today to assist your boy. Please, I am in a mess, send me the western union details once more. By tonight I will be at a safe place where Dirk will not be able to touch me, then I will check my e-mail. I am hurrying because I don't want Dirk to catch me. I am so afraid.

I am taking a child (Poindexter as he is my favourite)I will sell the jewelry and have the cash by midday. If you speak to Dirk, please do not tell him you have heard from me.

I need to hear from you as soon as possible so that I may transfer the funds and then get on with the serious side of the transaction, namely --meeting overseas. I only pray to god we are not to late to save your boy.

Just to show you how much of an ass Dirk is, I found this picture I am sending on our home computer. he always forgets to turn off the webcam. That slut is our maid, Chasey Lane.

Please get back in touch... please. Help me help you.

Forever,

Yasmine
PROFANATOR NOTE: If they respond, they are truly stupid! Well:


FROM: SULE LAMBIDO TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY


Dear Dirk,

I have being trying to get you on phone but has not succeeded. I hope all is well. Please get back to ASAP, so as to know the situation of things.  I will be expecting your prompt response.

Sule Lamido.

FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: YASMINE TOOLHARDY

Dear Yasmine,

How are you? and how are you enjoying your weekend? I hope you are not getting upsetted by your husband this time around? I believe he must be a nice guy and I think you can work out things perfectly well between the two of you. Please i love to hear you say sweet things about your husband the next time you send me a mail. Please Yasmine, when do you think you can send me the money you promised towards the operation of my sick son do you know uptill now I have not been able to raise the money most of my formal pears does'nt really want to stick out their neck for fear of being harrassed by the security agents this is the reason why you see and i am really asking you for this assistance. Please whatever you can send will go a long way in helping to save the life of my son. Please don't let me down as you will not regret ever doing this for me. But if you think there is nothing you can do,do outrightly tell me so that I will stop asking you for this favor. Anyway, what has your husband decided about this transaction? I ask because my attorney told me he has not heard from your husband after their last email exchange please let me know his stands. As you can see time is not on our side in this transaction. And I thought by now we would have wrapped up this transaction. And this would have saved me alot of trouble asking you or your husband for any financial assistance of this kind. This transaction we all stand to benefit from. Please get back to me as soon as possible.

Your Friend, Hajia Maryam.

FROM: MARYAM ABACHA  TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY

Dear Dirk,

How are you and how is the weekend with you? hope your are having a nice time? I thought you were gpoing to mail me yesterday, but did not hear from you and when I contacted my attorney, he said he has not heard from you. Thus, I have to send you this mail to found out from you what exactly is going on. Do you still have me in mind Please let me know and also when do you intends to send the money please I am really banking on you as regards this transaction. I do not wish to take much of your time but to plead with you to help in saving my son's life. Whatever you are able to give to me as assistance will go a long in saving his life. How is your wife hope you are getting on well with her now? please do take it easy with her. As you know, we women knows how to make a man happy and at the same time feel upset. She must have her good sides also. So do bear with her as things will soon work out between you both. Please I really need you help in this transaction and in saving my son's life. I hope you'll get back to me as soon as you read this mail.

Yours truly, Hajia Maryam Abacha.

FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY TO: MARYAM AND SULE

Dear Sule and Maryam,

Sorry I haven't written in a few days. I had business in New York City the past two days. I was giving a speech at a convention called "Supervisors Learning and Utilizing Today's Tools of Yesteryear (SLUTTY)." My section
was on the 6 key ingredients to running a successful company:

Supervision
Labor
Attitude
Value
Experience
Service

I think that my point hits home with white collar American business men.  Anyways, when I spoke to you last, I told you about gambling away my money.  This was the money that was to help you save your son. Hopefully he did not die over the last couple days. If he did, please disregard the next paragraph.

I managed to come up with a way to get some quick cash. I'm going to move some stocks around. Transfer all my funds into high risk Enron and Worldcom stocks to be specific. By Tuesday, I should be able to send you a nice check. Sound good?

Thank you for your advice on Yasmine. I just want you to know, there is another side to that woman. I consider you both my friends and I am afraid she will try to make me look like some kind of monster in your eyes. I know she has been writing you and sending pictures and all that. I bet she didn't tell you she has Wynonnaryder Syndrome. Did she? Also, did she send you her arrest picture? Bet not. Yep, she was arrested. I'm enclosing it
with this email. She got all cracked out on prescription pills and alcohol and was running down the street butt naked yelling something about animal rights. When they put her in the cop car, she tried to offer the officers oral sex to let her go. When they told her that it is illegal to bribe an officer, she urinated on the back seat. See the types of things she does.  Maryam, you said "we women knows how to make a man happy." Well your right, Yasmine makes a lot of men happy. Just not me. She makes the pool guy, the mail man, all the members of our kids PTA, and anyone who has prescription pills happy. Sorry, I'm rambling. It's just very upsetting.

I will talk to you both soon. Sule, I don't know what tell you about the phone thing. You call at very strange hours. Let me know where and when to call you.

Dirk








PROFANATOR NOTE: Subtle as a brick... Love that Monkey!


FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY


Dear Dirk,

You must be going through alot judging from your tone. i am sorry for the all the stress you had to go through because of her. I really find it difficult to believe that the sweet and amiable woman i saw on the pic you sent to me could do all this I am not disputing the facts but i love her though i have not met her in person a part from from our email exchange. please take it easy these kind of things could be disturbing, but you have to keep calm about it all. How are you coping with the kids? hope they are all doing perfectly well? How did the convention you attended go? I guess your speech was fantastic? i will be glad to hear that the convention was a successful one. My son has not been operated on yet but for now he is on dialysis and the doctors finally said the operation will take place on thursday on failingly. I really appreciate the troubles you are going through to help save my son's life, i tell you that I will never forget this humanitrian gesture towards me. I hope things work out tomorrow as promised by you. And I hope to hear from you tomorrow. I will be going to the hospital now and i hope to send you a mail by morrow. Hope to hear from you soonest.

Yours, Hajia Maryam

FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY  TO: MARYAM AND SULE

Dear Sule and Maryam,

I need you now more than ever and hopefully I have taken steps to help you with speed and the will of God.

That pig of a husband, Dirk, was upset when I got home late the other night with mandruff on my chest and face. He slapped me, several times, then he called the police and showed them where I keep my perscription drugs. Anyway, they arrested me and even took my picture in the police department. You could see that I was beaten! Anyway, my good friend, Harry Paratestes, bailed me out this morning. I am at home and Dirk is in New York City on business. I am packing my things and leaving -- Dirk and I will no longer be together.

Please, do not beleive what Dirk tells you. he has wasted money on hum jobs and gambling. But, I will get him back for everything and at the same time will help your son Maryam, and will complete this transaction. Dirk doesn't know, but I know the combination to his safe. I have opened it and taken all of the cash and jelly jewelry he owns. There are more than a dozen pearl necklaces and rolex watches. Do you like pearl necklaces Maryam? I am going to sell these and transfer the cash today to assist your boy. Please, I am in a mess, send me the western union details once more. By tonight I will be at a safe place where Dirk will not be able to touch me, then I will check my e-mail. I am hurrying because I don't want Dirk to catch me. I am so afraid.

I am taking a child (Poindexter as he is my favourite)I will sell the jewelry and have the cash by midday. If you speak to Dirk, please do not tell him you have heard from me.

I need to hear from you as soon as possible so that I may transfer the funds and then get on with the serious side of the transaction, namely --meeting overseas. I only pray to god we are not to late to save your boy.

Just to show you how much of an ass Dirk is, I found this picture I am sending on our home computer. he always forgets to turn off the webcam. That slut is our maid, Chasey Lane.

Please get back in touch... please.. Help me help you.

Forever,

Yasmine
EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Wow!
EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  When trying to scam the scammers, you come across those times when you can potentially blow the entire thing by saying something stupid.  Like here for example.  Only the dumbest fucking person in the world would deal with someone who would write something like this.  So, having said that, do you think they will notice?
FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: YASMINE TOOLHARDY

Dear Yasmine,

I am so sorry for what Dirk is doing to you, I hope this does not get out of hand and I hope there is something i can do to help you out of this mess also.

Yasmine I feel worry for you as i do not imagine any body doing this to his wife.Anyway, let us pray 'cos our GOD the almighty has the powers to change Dirk for good and he will turn a good leaf.

As for my son, the informations you requested for are: AUDU MOHAMMED, LAGOS-NIGERIA AND WALTER KUMANI, LAGOS-NIGERIA. Please split the money into two as I do not want any security agent prying into the source of money. i wish to hear good news from you in the next few days. Please as soon as you send the money by western union, do send the following informations along: Sender's name and address, Amount, secret question and answer and control number.

I hope to hear from you and to also know about your safety. I hope all will be well.
Remain safe and Blessed.

Your Friend,
Hajia Maryam A.

FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY TO: MARYAM AND SULE

Dear Sule and Maryam:

What a pain in the ass Western Union is. I took all of Dirk's jewelry to a pawn store and sold it for $14,000 dollars! However, when I rushed to Western Union to make the transfer, the names I was sending to, AUDU MOHAMMED and WALTER KUMANI, both of Lagos, Nigeria, were on some kind of blocked sender list. I don't understand but they said that the federal governemt were tracking them as fraudulent con-artists. Maryam and Sule, I am worried. Are these two men trying to steal from you, or do you trust them? It sounds like there are a lot of thieves trying to get a piece of you. I will not let anything happen to this money for your son.

On that note, how is your son? Please, do not let your son fall. Do not let him go down behind the sun. Please do not let your son go down on me. Please, I see two options. One, you can give me more names to try at the Western Union or I can come to Nigeria, personally. Perhaps if it is the latter, we can even conclude the original transaction. I would be greatful if you would forward the name of the airport to which I should arrive and even a hotel name or two for me to book.

The most important thing is to get you this money for your son. Therefore, I will be travelling with $14,000 dollars. This makes me nervous as I am a single woman. (Little Poindexter will be looked after by his babysitter Pee-Wee Herman.) I assume you will meet me at the airport, Sule. If this is so, could you forward a picture of yourself holding a sign with my name on it? This will be important as I will be in cognito and you will not recognise me. I just need to know that you are an honest and real person Sule. After all I am scared and people do look different with signs. If you meet me at the airport I promise to preform the walnut menouver on you.

Please, let me know your thoughts as soon as possible. I will try to fly out by as early as this weekend if it suits you. However, I do need to get booking.

I have not seen Dirk. If he asks you anything, you have not heard from me. I may stay in Nigeria to find a suitable husband with a big Texas oil snake. Do you know of any young men?

Please help me get this money to you, and be very wary Maryam, I think your friends are liars.

In love and light and in hope your Son is well...

Yasmine

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  That fucking bitch took Poindexter!  Oh, it's on now.
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