EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:









Original mail from Mariam to Dirk Toolhardy (The Profanator)

Dear Friend ,

I am Mrs. Mariam Abacha, the widow of the late Gen. Sanni Abacha former Nigerian Military Head of State who died mysteriously as a result of Cardiac Arrest. Since after my husband´s death my family is under restriction of movement and that not withstanding, we are being molested, policed and our Bank Account both here and abroad are being frozen by the Nigerian Civilian Government.

Furthermore, my elder sone is in detention by the Nigerian Government for more interrogation about my husband´s assists and some vital documents. Following the recent discovery of my husband´s BankAccount by the Nigerian Government with Swiss Bank in which the huge sum of US$700Million and DM450Milllion was logged. I therefore decided to contact you in confidence that I was able to move out the sum of US$30Million Dollars, which was secretly lodged in a trunk box and deposited with a Security Company as materials of Inheritance.

I therefore personally, appeal to you seriously and religiously for your urgent assistance to move this money into your country where I believe it will be safe since I cannot leave the country due to the restriction of movement imposed on the members of my family by the Nigerian Government.

You can also contact me through my family attorney Barrister Wahab Azare(SAN) on his e-mail address:wahabazare01@01@37.com and my lawyer shall arrange with you for a face to face meeting outside Nigerian, in order to liaise with you toward effective completion of this transaction.

However, arrangements have been put in place to move this money out of the country in a secret vault through a diplomatic security company, as soon as you indicate your interest, forward to my lawyer your Telephone Number, Fax Number and your Postal Address so that he can send to you the Certificate of Deposit and other necessary documents, so that you can help to claim the luggage.

Conclusively, we have agreed to offer you 30% of the total sum while 70% is to be held we decide on a suitable business investment in your country subsequent to our free movement by the NigerianGovernment.

Please reply urgently and treat with absolute confidentiality and sincerity.

Best Regards,
Hajia Mariam abacha(Mrs.)

NB:To proove the authenticity of my story i will want you to go through the links below.

1:http://www.transnationale.org/anglais/sources/tiersmonde/dirigeants__abacha.htm

2:http://allafrica.com/stories/200203180074.html

3:http://www.time.com/time/europe/magazine/2000/27/swiss.htm

4:september 16 2002 time magazine page 52.

PS:

Please respond to: hajiamaryama@themail.com.

FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY  TO:  MARYAM ABACHA

Dear Mrs. Mariam Abacha:

I believe I received this e-mail in error as I have no idea how you would have chosen me. It sounds like you have quite a problem in your hands. I too have a problem in my hands from time to time. It is very sad that your husband met with an untimely demise. I abhor the fact that your government will take his money and probably use it for war. We just finished knocking the crap out of the Iraqis and now your government wants to kick balls out of someone else? Disgusting.

I am also most worried about you being molested. Please, try to endure the humiliation of being molested until somebody comes to save you. I am nearly in tears at the molestation and cruelty you are enduring under the thumb of your wicked government.

I am a peaceful man who takes matters into his own hands when things rise up. It sounds to me like you are a women who does the same but more often and with more zeal and to help more men. Even though I am sure this e-mail was not intended for me, can I be of assistance?

Please let me know your thoughts.

Sincerely,

Dirk Toolhardy

Chairman/CEO MILFwatchers Inc.


FROM:  BARRISTER SULE LAMIDO TO:  DIRK TOOLHARDY

PROFANATOR NOTE: Nice one dickhead! You got your name wrong! Strike one!


It happened. It happened so fast. I weep when I think of Maryam's torment.

I really do appreciate your note and explanations sir. I will get to know Maryam a bit, and we will exchange personal information in a fluid form so that I can help. I hope to remain in touch with you too, my good sir.

I have attached a picture of me and my wife, Yasmine. I hope we can get to know each other as Maryam and myself will. We have 3 children and are good Christians.

Stay in touch, and may the good Lord speed the modalities of our transaction herewith, by tonight itself.

Sincerely,


Dirk Toolhardy
MILFwatchers Inc.

P.S. I know you said to keep this secret but I am quite excited to be helping. May I tell my wife?


PROFANATOR NOTE: Sorry guys... I found this piccy of the Ronster with Yasmine Bleeth and I just had to!



FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY  TO: MARYAM ABACHA

Dearest Maryam:

I wrote to you recently addressing your plight and molestation, which I find horrible. In response, I received a message from a Barista Sule Lamido on your behalf. I am worried for your safety and for your money. Barista Sule Lamido seems a bit thick and not too honest. I would hate it if he had intercepted your mail and was trying to defraud our good intentions. After all, he is only a coffee maker being a barista and all. Perhaps you should find a real lawyer.

I really want to help you, but I must know that you are Ok. I must know that I can trust you, and if he is honest, trust your middle man too. Please let me know more about yourself. I will continue to try and get to know Sule as well.

For you, I am Dirk Toolhardy and I am the Chairman of MILFwatchers Inc. We specialize in MILF markets worldwide. Perhaps when this is all over, we can ask you to be a consultant MILF? I just wish for your safety and prosperity.

I have a beautiful wife and three children. We enjoy an experimental relationship and are members of the Cesarian babtist Church. We are christians.

Please Maryam, I will not sleep till I know that you are under no distress. Henceforth, I cannot begin the serious task of helping until I know you are a real person and I know that sule is not just a dolt trying to harm me or you!

Please reply at once,

Sincerely,

Dirk Toolhardy

MILFwatchers Inc.



FROM: BARRISTER SULE LAMIDO  TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY


Dear Dirk,
For your information, I am not a coffee maker but an Attorney and is addressed Barrister so and so not your barista. I would ask you not to misconstrue me in this aspect.
Dirk, this transaction is not a joke thus you should not take as such. And I will advocate you really contact my client Mrs. Maryam Abacha for more clarity in this matter.
Dirk, if really you are interested in this transaction, do as a matter of urgency send me all the neccessry information which I requested of you in the details I sent to you. This informations are:
1) Your telephone and fax numbers
2) Your contact address
3) Your Occupation and
4) Your age.
Thease informations will cause this transaction to move further, hence I'll term you not interested.
I await your quick and positive response.
Regards!
Barrister Sule Lamido.

PROFANATOR NOTE: Awwwwwwwwwww... He does not make coffee. I think I upset him, and so soon!

FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY TO: BARRISTER SULE LAMIDO

Dear Sir:

I am shocked and appaled. You accuse me of treating this as a joking matter when there is a lady being molested and persecuted?

I did not know what a barrister was until I looked it up in the dictionary just now. I am sorry I offended you but it was without intention.

I expect to hear some information about you as well as words of your sincerity before I give you more information. How am I supposed to trust you without you cooperation? I sent Maryam an e-mail and have not heard back from her.

I don't NEED this as much as Maryam does. I have millions of dollars through my business. I want to help in any way possible out of my kindness, not greed.

Let me know I can trust you THEN we shall go about formalities of my information.

I expect your swift response.

Sincerely,

Dirk Toolhardy


FROM: MARYAM ABACHA  TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY

Dirk,

Thanks for your mail and the zeal you have to assist myself and children out of our present ordeal,i really appreciate this and i Pray that GOD in his infinite Mercies will see us through this Transaction. I am so sorry for the Confusion i have caused between yourself and my lawyer(Barrister Sule Wahab Lamido),i have always reffered to him as Wahab Azare.Sorry i did not use his official names(Sule w Lamido).I am writting this mail to clear this issue for once,he his a very reliable person and he is the only person i can really bank on for now for our sucess. Dirk to proove he is from me,i have given him a family pic of myself and children to send to you.Please do corporate with him to assist us in this Transaction,i am relying on the corporation of the both of you to see this transaction through. Dirk,i will want you to call him on his mobile tonight so you can have a verbal discussion with him on how the Transaction will go.His Mobile Number:+234-8023002749.Please call him at all cost tonight,i told him to expect your call and told him i will give you his number. Dirk thank you very much for your assistance and corporation. Best Regards,

Hajia Maryam.

FROM: BARRISTER SULE LAMIDO TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY

Dear Dirk,
Thank you for your prompt response to my mail and your willingness to go ahead with this transaction.
Dirk, as you know, my client Hajia Maryam is really in a dire strait and she needs your help to get this money out as she feels you are the GOD sent person to redeem her sorrows.
Dirk, we do not need to delay in this transaction as time is not on our side and considering the fact that this is election period in Nigeria, goverment officials' are mainly concentrating on elections thus making it easier for us at the moment to move the money without been noticed.
I have sent your pic to my client and she was very impressed by it and has concluded that you are a responsible person that she can always bank on. Note that this relationship is not a shortlive one but one that will span for a life time.  I want you to send in your response, the informations i demanded of you in my previous mails so that it will enable me have a one on one conversation with you. These infos are once more
Your telephone/fax numbers, and contact address.
Please do not hesitate to send these informations as they will enable this transaction to move on and swiftly. And this will enable me forward your informations to the security company for them to contact you as soon as the money is in Switzerland. Note also that I shall forward the certificate of deposit and secret code number to you as soon as I get these details from you and you have been contacted by the security company.
Please respond to me so that I will know whether we are in business or not. I await your prompt response.

Yours Truly,
Barrister Sule Lamido

FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY  TO MARYAM AND SULE


To the lovely Hajia Maryam and Barrister Sule Lamido,

I wanted to take a moment to introduce myself since it seems my husband Dirk had forgotten to. My name is Yasmine and I am Dirk’s wife and partner. I just want to let you know that I know about your situation and I feel horrible about everything. Molestation is probably the worst thing that could happen to a lady or child. Just so you know, Dirk and I will do everything in our power to help you. God has blessed us with so much that we fell it is our duty to help those in need. We give a substantial amount of money to our the church, we are Cesarian Babtists if Dirk didn’t tell you, conduct can food drives for the homeless, and donate time to children with Cancer and Camel Toe. We also sponsored a Cambodian boy and an African girl through the Sally Struthers foundation. Needless to say, we are givers.

If there is anything you need and you can’t reach Dirk, feel free to contact me. Also, I know Dirk can be difficult to work with at times. He is a Gemini so he has two personalities. Add the stress he gets from being a work-a-holic, he can be unbearable. I'm sure you understand Barrister. I on the other hand am a Libra and good communicator (I took two years of communication at Compton Community College which makes me sort of an expert). If either of you need anything, please let me know. Even if you just need someone to listen to you.

Looking forward to helping you.

Yasmine

PS- Dirk, the kids have soccer tonight. I'm leaving dinner in the microwave.


PROFANATOR NOTE: Yasmine you sexy bitch... I love you!

FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY  TO: MARYAM ABACHA

Dearest Maryam:

I am so pleased to have received a personal e-mail from you. I am still not convinced that that schmuck Sule is who he claims to be. In honesty, I don't get good vibes from him, I am nervous about sending him my intimate details. You said you gave him a picture to give to me and he e-mailed me last night but I received no picture. I think he needs to work harder and be a little more friendly to get my trust.

I am happy, you sound in good spirits. I too have the spirit in me which is, as you put it, evidenced in my zeal. As for the confusion you caused, it is Ok. With so many names and situations to remember I am sure you get confused from time to time. I know I do.

I have not phoned Sule yet. This is because I need to see more cooperation from him and not just his scrambling for my personal information like a vulture.

I see that my wife, Yasmine, contacted you today. This pisses me off. She goes through my e-mails and computer files constantly. She is a good wife but she sleeps with others and is terribly undersexed. She loves her children and takes her affiliation with the church very seriously. I know that you saw our picture. Sometimes I think she is so beautiful that I don't deserve her and at others I just want to be nasty with the little ho.

As Yasmine told you, we give often to charity. The one I am particularly concious about is the young ladies suffering from camel toe (cameltosis, is the medical term.). It is even more horrible than molestation which I know that you have been enduring. I shudder to think that you have been subjected to gross and foul acts like the Dirty Sanchez or the Strawberry Shortcake. I assure you Maryam, that both Yasmine and myself wish to help you with all of our heart, you just have to help us get on with Sule.

Thinking of you and praying for an end to your suffering,

I remain,

Dirk Toolhardy


FROM: MARYAM ABACHA  TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY

Dear Dirk,

Thank your very much for been there for me in my times of trial. I pray fervently for the success of this transaction. Please my good friend do not mind my attorney sule Lamido he is fun to work with, as soon as you understand him, though he is a bit strict and sound business like in most cases. Pleasedo undermind his misgivings and try as much as possible to assist me since you have made up your mind in assisting me with this transfer. Like in my previous mail to Yasmine, I really appreciate your good works that is by putting a smile on the face of the less privilage ones I really find it interesting and I wish to continue because I use to before my current predicament started. Dirk, we have to expedite action inthis transaction as I would want us to round upthis transaction as soon as possible, so that for once I will rest of mind. I do not intends to disturb you, but because of your love for me and those in troubles, please do ignore my attorney's shortcomings and go ahead with this transaction. I wish to hear from you soonest.

Yours In the Lord,
Hajia Maryam. ------------------------------------------

FROM: MARYAM ABACHA  TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY


Dear Dirk,

Thank your very much for been there for me in my times of trial. I pray fervently for the success of this transaction. Please my good friend do not mind my attorney sule Lamido he is fun to work with, as soon as you understand him, though he is a bit strict and sound business like in most cases. Pleasedo undermind his misgivings and try as much as possible to assist me since you have made up your mind in assisting me with this transfer. Like in my previous mail to Yasmine, I really appreciate your good works that is by putting a smile on the face of the less privilage ones I really find it interesting and I wish to continue because I use to before my current predicament started. Dirk, we have to expedite action inthis transaction as I would want us to round upthis transaction as soon as possible, so that for once I will rest of mind. I do not intends to disturb you, but because of your love for me and those in troubles, please do ignore my attorney's shortcomings and go ahead with this transaction. I wish to hear from you soonest.

Yours In the Lord,
Hajia Maryam. ------------------------------------------

FROM: SULE LAMBIDO TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY


Dear Dirk,
Here is my personal photo and the family of my client Hajia Maryam Abacha.  I hope to hear from you soonest.

Barrister Sule Lamido.

  PROFANATOR NOTE: Um, ok... Which one is being molested?


 

FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY TO: MARYAM ABACHA

Dear Hajia Maryam Abacha,

Thank you for your kind email. I just hope we can help you through your trouble. It's so rare that you come across genuinely good people. It's also nice to know there are other hard working God fearing citizens out there like Dirk and I. I almost feel like these types of relationships are meant to be.

Talk to you soon.

Yasmine

PS - I will talk to my husband tonight and let him know I want him to give you his full cooperation. He's kind of mad at me right now for getting into his business but I don't care. I'll just hold out on him if he keeps it up. After all, you saw our photo. He's playing way out of his league.

Don't you think?


FROM:  DIRK TOOLHARDY  TO: BARRISTER SULE LAMIDO

Dear Sule:

I have been in much contact with Maryam and I am confident that she needs me. I am also happy that you sent me the photo's of Maryam's family and of yourself. You are a very handsome man, indeed. You have a gentlemanly flair about you. I understand that you have received mail from my wife, Yasmine. While this nips at my scroat, I can tell you that I showed her your picture over the internet -- before she left to take the kids for soccer, of course -- and she is most excited to be helping you and wishes to help you in any capacity.

Please sir, let us work together without arguement for the good of Maryam.

I am happy to furnish some details:

A secure fax is hard to come by in my office. Therefore I will give you my direct line. 001 877 572 8760. Please leave a message if I am not available.
My address is: 419 Bobfoc way, Blue Island, IL, 60406, USA.

I am 46 years old and I am the chairman and CEO of MILFwatchers Inc.

I look forward to your call.  You are a good man for helping. I hope to give you the reach around soon.

Sincerely,

Dirk Toolhardy

MILFwatchers Inc.



FROM: MARYAM ABACHA  TO: YASMINE TOOLHARDY

Dear Yasmine,
I am very sorry to respond to your mail lately. I have been busy all
through the weekend. My last son was admitted into the hospital and they
finally diagonised him to be suffering from kidney failure all through theweekend I have been by his side. They might operate him early this week as
soon as all neccessary arrangement has be concluded. Please pray for me
that my child scales through this trauma.
How is your husband and your wonderful kids hope they are all doing right.
I hope to let you know the outcome of my sons treatment before the week
runs out.  My reagrds to you and your family.

Your Friend,
Hajia Maryam Abacha

FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY  TO: MARYAM ABACHA

Dear Hajia Maryam Abacha,

Oh my God dear, please don't apologize for not getting back to me. I am so sorry to hear about your son. Hopefully they will be successful with the operation and he will be back to good health in no time. By the way, how are the doctors in Africa? My knowledge of your country is limited to what I see from Hollywood. Do they
have regular doctors there or are they all medicine men with the paint on their faces and lions teeth around their necks like in the movies? If they are, you should fly your son to us so we can get him the proper treatment. Please let me know as soon as possible.  Dirk and I will even pay for it. Hajia, kidney failure is very
serious and voodo will not cure him. He needs real treatment. Please don't hesitate.

Have you told Dirk about this? I will call him when I am done reading.

Dirk and I will be praying for you. Let us know what we can do.  Everyone hear is fine. I'm on my way to a "Mothers Against Camel Toe" meeting. I will check my email when I get back.

May God be with you and your son.

Yasmine


FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: YASMINE TOOLHARDY

Dear Jasmine,

I have to write you this mail to ask for your assistance concerning my son, the problem is that I could'nt raise the amount i expected to raise yesterday for the surgery considering your promise to assist us, hence I have to send this urgent S.O.S to you please do not disappoint me as I intends not to forget this favor for the rest of my life. Please what we need now is about $7500 I am not asking you to provide the whole, whatever you can assist with will go a long way to assist us. Jasmine, if it is possible for you to loan me the money, I shall as soon as my money I am asking your husband to help me transfer to your country is done, pay you back. Please it is not an obligation, but I feel at the moment you are the GOD sent to help us out. Whatever you can come up with for me will go along way to save my son's life. Please you promised to help speak to your husband about this transaction, what has he decided please this our relationship i am building is a life time's own and keep it that way. I hope to you hear from you before the end of the day.

Yours, Hajia Maryam Abacha.

PS: As soon as you indicate interest in sending me the money, I shall provide with details of how you shall send the money to me through western union money transfer.

FROM: MARYAM ABACHA TO: YASMINE TOOLHARDY


Dear Yasmine,

I hope I have not offended you with my request? I ask this because I have not heard from you. I wish to say that I do not wish to cause you any displeasure with my request which I made out of pure intuition. If you are really interested in assisting me please do get back to me. Like I said nothing will be too small for whatever I get now will go a long way to help in the paying of my son's medical bill for the surgery. I await your reply soon.

Yours, Hajia Maryam Abacha

FROM: YASMINE TOOLHARDY  TO: MARYAM ABACHA


Mayam,

You could never offend me. You had me at hello.

Yasmine


PROFANATOR NOTE: It is these moments of gentleness from The Ebola Monkey Man that make this transaction possible. Sensitive devil he is...

FROM: SULE LAMBIDO  TO: DIRK TOOLHARDY


Dear Dirk,

Thank you for reposing the confidence in working with me in this transaction. I am indeed very delighted at your hospitality and your willingness to help to help my client (Hajia Maryam Abacha) out of her present predicament. And I am grateful for the telephone details you sent to me.
I am sorry I could not call you over the weekend but I assure you that I will be calling you on Monday before the end of the day. Please bear with me. I hope to also forward your details to the security company on Monday so they can immediately call you or send you a mail as soon as the money arrives their office in Switzerland. As soon as you hear from them (the secuirity company), do not hesitate to send me a mail, so that I can furnish you with the neccessary vital clearing documents which they might request for.
I read your wife's mail and she sounded very fantastic and the way she talked about you I have already concluded that you must be fun to work with. And the kids how are they doing? my regards to every member of your household.  I will be talking to you tomorrow.My Regards to you and your family.
Barriter Sule Lamido.


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This scam was a first for me as I teamed up with "The Profanator."  I was intrigued by the idea of having a writing partner.  We really didn't script much which makes it fun because you never know where the other person might take the scammer.  Here's the deal:  The Profanator's work is in Red and my work is in Blue.  When you see text in purple, that's The Profanator's narration.  Now to really confuse, half way through the scam we decided to switch characters but I will point that out when it happens but won't change colors.  Enjoy!
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