BACK TO HOMEPAGE

OK, this was a spin off of the Maryam and Sule saga.  This guy, Mohamed Abacha, contacted Dirk early on in the M&S scam.  He stopped writing for a while then emailed Dirk during the time he was allegedly in Nigeria conducting business with M&S and looking for his wife Yasmine.  I decided to throw Mohamed into the mix.  I was going to add it to the Maryam/Sule scam but it turned out to be so funny that it needs to stand alone.  

NOTE:  Please read the Maryam and Sule scam first so this will make sense.  You can't watch "Joanie Loves Chachi" without seeing "Happy Days" first, right?

From Mohamed to Dirk 4/23

Attention : Mr. Toolhardy,

I received your mail. First and Foremost, I thank you for your response and urge to assist me. But, I don`t really know what you meant by you received my message by error.

I directed my message to you and not to any other person. So, if you are serious to co-operate with me to do this business, send your current address, Telephone and Fax numbers respectively to me, so that I will hand them over to my Lawyer to commence the Business Proper.

However, I must emphasize that you should keep this Business to yourself alone because it is highly confidential and aboveall, requires a very urgent attention.

In conclusion, I advise you send the requested information to me as soon as you get through this mail.

I await your prompt response.

Yours Sincerely,

Mohammed Abacha.

From Dirk to Mohamed 4/23

Dear Mr. Abacha:

Hold onto your horses there buddy! You say that your message was intended just for me. If so, how did you hear of me and my company, MILFwatchers? Do you use the services of MILF? Please, at least let me know because I hope there is something I can do with all of my power to help in your situation.

It may also be helpful to get to know each other a bit. I am a shrewd businessman, and though what you are proposing seems manageable, it also seems to good to be true. I would like to share some personal information. I will not be able to hand out more confidential information such as bank info as fax numbers until I feel trust between us.

My Name is Dirk Toolhardy and, as you know, I am the Chairman of MILFwatchers Inc. I am married to a beautiful wife named Yasmine and we have three children. We are profoundly Christian, I hope this will not be a problem. I am attaching a picure of us so you can see what we are like.

I hope you understand, but I simply can't proceed without establishing a friendship and trust between us.

Sincerely,

Dirk Toolhardy
MILFwatchers Inc.

P.S. You said that nobody could know about this. May I tell my wife? She would be very thrilled and interested to help.

From Mohamed to Dirk 4/ 26

Attention : Dirk Toolhardy,

Dear Dirk,
Thanks for your mail. Without wasting time, I got your contact from my late father`s most confidential investment Diary. So, having gotten your contact from my father`s closet, I envisaged that you may either be a good friend of my late father or his business associate and above all, a trustworthy and dependable fellow. Thus, the trust and confidence I have to carry-out this transaction with you.

My Dear, I am a very young man, Married and expecting my first issue soonest. My beloved wife`s name is Princess Fatima.  Yes! I advised that you do not reveal this transaction to any body but your wife is part of you, so if she is the type that can keep secrets, there is no harm in letting her know about the transaction. But, if she is the type that cannot hold her lips, you should then hold-on to inform her until the transaction is concluded.

Though, you know your wife as well as I know mine. Therefore, it is up to you to decide.

In conclusion, if you are now okay to do this transaction, forward to me without delay, the
requested information Thanks for your co-operation while looking forward to a better relationship with you and your entire family.

I await your prompt response.

Best Regards,
Mohammed Abacha

From Mohamed to Dirk 5/ 14

Dear Mr.Dirk Tookhardy,

l enclosed with my photograph for us to have intimate knowledge of ourself.Now l wish to fax you the certificate of Deposite which l use in lodging the consignment containing the money with the security company and other relivant documents which will enable you to collect the consignment with out stress.First i wish to know from you if you can come to Africa here{Ghana} to collect the consignment.

Awaiting your responce as soon as posible.

Thanks,

Mohamed!








From Dirk to Mohamed 5/15

Dear Mohamed,

Thank you for the email.  Sorry I did not write you sooner.  I had a long night.  I don't know if Maryam has told you but I'm dealing with personal issues, as well as business issues.  I'm just waking up.  I have jet lag, I'm hung over, and my Nigerian friends seem to only be using me for my
money.  They didn't even have the courtesy to pick me up at the airport.

Nice picture by the way.  Just out of curiosity, is that a newspaper article?   Also, I noticed your name is Mohamed.  What is it like to be Jewish in Africa?  Is there a heavy Jewish community in Ghana?  I too am Jewish.  I'm very excited.

I can come to Ghana in two shakes of a elephants tail.  Just let me know.

I've got cash.  It' s American money.  Will this be a problem?

Dirk!

PS - I have included a photo of me with the cab driver from the airport.  This way, you know what I look like.  His name is Peter Aka.  He was really nice.  I am the guy on the right by the  way.  I bet you just got a sense of relief.  You were probably thinking, "Jesus, how am I going to identify Dirk as he looks like everyone in Africa."

Email me ASAP.













From Mohamed to Dirk 5/17

Dear Dirk,

Where are you presently now,are you here in my home country or you are about to come to Nigeria,please be specific.  Beside,who is this Maryam and what business do you have with Maryam!  If you are right here in Nigeria please furnish me with your phone number here in Nigeria.  

Mohamed!

From Dirk to Mohamed 5/18

Dear Mohawkhead,

I am in Lagos. I thought you knew Maryam. She is the one who originally contacted me about the transaction. I came over here to find my wife, save Maryam's crippled ass son who needs a kidney transplant, and get my portion of the 20 million. Now I am here, in Africa, living the life. Shit man, that means you don't know Sule either. That is my nigga! He's the shiz-nit bomb diggy. Look here brother, I have been high on Khat for the last three days. I've slept with numerous African women. I've spent so much money at this disco called KoKo's I think they are going to change the name to Toolhardy's. I'm at the Sheraton. I'm so high right now I'm willing to do
business with anyone. Go ahead and tell me what you had in mind. My bad man, I thought you knew Maryam. She said she is a queen or some shit. She sent me a photo of herself. She looks like a three dollar whore with a two dollar hair-cut.

Dirk

PS - Have you ever chewed on this Khat. It is amazing. I was so closed minded until I started using this stuff. I use to hear how great coke was, this is ten times better.

PSS- I just noted that all Nigerians put URGENT in every email. Strange.

From Mohamed to Dirk 5/19

Dirk,

morning,i ask you of your hotel phone number,furnish me with the hotel phone number and your room number so that i can talk with you and give you some guild line on how to hit Accra [Ghana] when ever you are through with Maryams deal,but as a friend of mine you have to be carefull,i wouldnt like someone to hurt you here in my country right.

I have also contacted the security firm in Accra[Ghana] that you are coming then in reciept of your responce,i will send through my email all the relivant document immediatly.
As,you may know,my movement here in Nigeria is highly restricted.

Mohamed!


From Dirk to Mohamed 5/20

Hi Mohamed,

Sorry I didn't write to you sooner.  I just woke up from sleeping for two straight days.  I am still in Lagos at the hotel.  I want to help you but I have to tell you something first.

Mohamed, I fear for your life.  This guy Sule and his partner Maryam said they were going to kill you.  They want me to set you up in Accra.  They want me to help them rob you.  Sule says you are probably a weak man and this would be really easy.  I think you are a good person so I want to warn you.  Here is their email if you want to contact both of them:

barr_sl2000@yahoo.com
h_maryam_ab@voila.fr

Feel free to email them telling them you know what they are up to.  Please don't tell them I told you about this though.  Also, please hide because I am afraid they will do something horrible.  Sule is crazy.

Thanks

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 5/ 21

DEAR DIRK,

THANK YOU FOR THE INFORMATION BUT AT THE SAME, YOU SHOULD NOT WORRY. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I AM A SON OF AN ARMY GENERAL AND HAVE BEEN SO CLOSE TO VERY HARD MILITARY OFFICERS. HENCE, I HAVE BEEN DULY AQUAINTED WITH DEFENCE MECHANISMS.

JUST SEND TO ME YOUR ROOM NUMBER AND THE TELEPHONE NUMBER OF THE HOTEL WITH WHICH I CAN REACH AND SPEAK WITH YOU AND FORGET ABOUT YOUR SO CALLED SULE AND WHATEVER PLAN HE IS MAKING.

I AWAIT FOR THE REQUESTED INFORMATION WHILE THANKING YOU FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.

YOURS FRIEND,

MOHAMMED.

From Dirk to Mohamed 5/21

Dear Mohamed,

Thank GOD you responded.  I am glad you are not worried but I still am.  I told Sule that you were the son of an army general and he referred to you and the Army as "bitches who think they can fight."  He told me that he is skilled in martial arts and knows moves like the "Flying Camel" and the "Donkey Punch."  Mohamed, those are some serious moves.  I think it might be better if you leave Africa for a while and change your name.  I'm really scared for you.  I saw the picture you sent me, you can't way more than 125 pounds.  Plus your womanly frame has to be very fragile.  Sule is like 250 pounds and he is built like an American tank.  Plus he's a black guy.  You are a nice Jewish man.  You don't stand a chance.  We have to get you out of the country now.  Please pack your things.  Email me when you are ready to leave the country and we will meet at my hotel.  I will take out a room in another name so Sule cannot find you.

I noticed you added an extra "m" to your name so you must be a little scared.  Mohamed, that's not fooling anyone.  You have to change your name completely if you are going to hide like this.In the mean time, I will work on getting you a fake ID.  I noticed you added an extra "m" to your name.  Mohamed, that's not fooling anyone.  You have to change your name completely if you are going to hide like this.  Until then, I think we should call you Steve Urkel.  It's a nice name and no one will know it's you.

Steve, be brave and pack your things.  I'm going to save you.

Dirk


From Mohamed to Dirk 5/21

Attn Dirk,

I have just finished discussing with my lawyer in [Accra]Ghana.And i explained things to him and your posision here in Nigeria.

However,he will guild you proparly on what to do.His nobody as,James Obed.phone number;009-233-2081-36952.

After you discusion with him contact immediatly?

Thanks,
Mohamed!

From Dirk to Mohamed 5/22

Mohamed,

OK, I'm a little confused. You said I am not serious about the transaction and I shouldn't contact you anymore but now you want me to call your lawyer. Which is it? Please email me back to clarify this.

I sense there is some tension between you and I. I think it is unfair. Mohamed, I was just trying to protect you. I know you think you are tough but I also know Sule and Maryam. They really want to fuck you up bad. Like I said, I have seen your photo. I don't care if your dad was a general, your going to need an AK-47 to stop Maryam, let alone Sule.

If I were in any danger, I would hope you would tell me. If someone wanted to physically hurt me or scam me out of something, I'm sure you would let me know. Right? You seem like a good man. Maybe I am wrong. I don't know.

Dirk

PS- I wrote a poem yesterday while laying at the pool.

Loving me these African bitches!

La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la

I just can't get them out of my head.
They are all that Dirk thinks about.
I just can't get them out my head.
African girl is all Dirk dreams about.

La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la

There’s a dark secret in me
Don’t leave me locked in your jungle
Set me free
Put down your spear
Set me free
African girl don't fear
And ever and ever and ever

I'm still playing with the words. At least I have the melody down.

Ebola Monkey Note:  Jesus, what do I have to say to piss this guy off?

From Mohamed to Dirk 5/22

Dirk,

Its not that i am anoyed with you right but theres a way someone will behave you beging to think if the kiding,for me i am not kiding,i told you,call my lawyer he is there to guild you.Then furnish me before you proceed forther.

Thanks,
Mohamed!

From Dirk to Mohamed 5/23

Dear Mohamed,

I accept your apology. I know how you people can be. Do you think it might be better for us to meet face to face? This way, we can look each other in the eye, give each other a reach around, and develop a real trust. I promise this is not a set-up. Neither Sule or Maryam will be there to harm you. I have distanced myself from them. They think that you fled the country so everything is safe. Tell me where to meet you and I will be there.

Thanks

Dirk

PS- Sorry about the first couple of emails I sent you. I was so high on Khat that I must have just rambled on.


From Mohamed to Dirk 5/24

My dear friend,

I can not take such risk here in my country.I have told you ealier before now that i am under surveliance,my movement is strictly restricted, the present gorvernment want's me dead,except outside the country.

Have you called my lawyer what did he say meanwhile before you leave for Accra Ghana pleas notify me,i believe my lawyer has been expecting your call all this while.

From Dirk to Mohamed 5/25

Jesus Mohamed, seems like everyone wants you dead. What's it like not to have any friends? You must always be living in constant fear. I have a 4 year old niece that is the same way. She's always scared and crying. I feel so bad for her. Maybe that's why I want to help you. You remind me of her.

I have tried calling your lawyer. Every time I call, some African guy picks up. I can't understand him.

What should I do? Maybe your lawyer can meet me since everyone hates you so much and you are so afraid to die. Let me know.

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk  5/25

Dear Dirk,       

Thanks for your responce,you might be thinking i'm joking by telling you that the present gorvernment of Nigeria want's me dead.  As soon as i'm through with this now i better find my way to America or any part of the europe then settle down,esterblish there and never think of coming back to Nigeria again.

Meanwhile i spoke with my Lawyer some minutes ago and he was telling me that someone called and refused to introduse him or her self,i beging to think it might be you that called him.  So,call him and tell him about me then explain your self to him,though i have done that before now.

By the way, are you still here in Nigeria or Accra Ghana,please notify me so that i can call him and tell him your position,because your safety is my concern please,i wouldn't like anything to hurt you because of me?

Awaiting your responce as soon as posible.

Thanks and [Allah] bless,

Mohamed!

From Dirk to Mohamed 5/26

Hey Mohamed,

I don't know what to do.  I give up.  Every time I call your lawyer, some African dude picks up.  Please tell me what to do so we can meet up.  I'm still in Lagos, living the African dream.

Thanks and Allah (?) too.

Dirk

Isn't Allah the God of those crazy guys who flew the planes into the World Trade Center.  The IWANTSALAME AND BACON people?

From Mohamed to Dirk  5/28

My friend,

Call the said number and ask of Jamses Obed,because the last time i spoke with him he was telling me that someone called and refuse to introduse him or her self,so call him and ask of the above name tell him that you are the beneficiary of the fund which was deposited with the security company,that i Mohamed Abacha directed you to him,all the relivant document has been sent to him,i mean my lawyer.

Meanwhile,it will require your present in Accra[Ghana] and as soon as you are ready to meet my lawyer in Ghana also reach me because as soon as i leave cybercafe i will call my lawyer too.

Dirk,do you mean you are not still through with your business in Lagos,anyway i may not no how long!

Thanks,
Mohamed!

The lawyers number is as follows;009-233-208136952, James Obed.

My mobil phone number is,08033468678.My friend look let me tell you something you don't know,when ever you wants to call me,always call when you are alone for security reason, dont let your friends know i mean Revert/Maryam.I have been telling you time with out number that i wouldn't be happy that some one hurt you for  my sake right.  Because if they find out that you know me they might think you have came to assist me take way those my fathers moneyM

Meanwhile i beg to stop here so far till we meet.

From Dirk to Mohamed 5/29

Dear Mohamed,

I keep trying to call your lawyer. I can't understand a word this guy is saying. Does your lawyer speak any English? I think you might be confused, I'm American. I am sorry if I led you to believe that I am from Africa. I
don't speak the same language as your lawyer. I noticed you said you were in a cyber cafe. What's up with Africans and cyber cafes? My former business partners, Maryam and Sule (the two that want to hurt and rob you),
use to use cyber cafes too.

Brother, I know you are frightened and scared for your life. You must be so fragile and delicate. I think you are over-reacting about this killing thing. I won't let anything happen to you. Let's figure out where to meet because I need to get back to America soon. I've been here for about two weeks and really got nothing accomplished. Well, I take that back, if partying with drugs and banging a lot of African girls is accomplishing something, then I built the freaking Great Wall of China.

Dirk

PS - Don't you think it is weird that you and Maryam have the same last name. Maybe she is your sister or cousin?

From Mohamed to Dirk  5/30

Dirk,

My lawyer said that you are lying by saying that you called several times.   But i asked you to call me and you refused whats  realy the problem,if you are  not ready to assist me please kindly notify me immediatly as soon as you reaceive this mail to enable me look for another alternative.

Thanks,
Mohamed!

From Dirk to Mohamed 5/30

Dear Mohamed,

Your lawyer is a liar. He also has a thick African accent. Did you know that?

I'm getting a little suspicious of you and why you won't meet me. Something's fishy and it's not the African girls. Why won't you meet me?  Why are you afraid to look me in the eye. I never do business over the phone. Don't you think it's the same as email. At least I can understand you with email.

I'm in Lagos if you want my financial help. We can meet at the hotel or you can name the place if it makes you feel more comfortable. I know you are afraid of Sule and Maryam but don't be, they are no longer a threat to you.

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 5/31

Dirk,

Since you want to see me no problems,expect me on thursday being 5/6/03 in Lagos.Then how do i reach you,since you refused to furnish me with your contact.Anyway when i am through with where to stay in Lagos for the few hours i got to spend i'll reach you,is that okay by you.
For my own safety,because i may not know your plans and Marym/Reverts towards me.I ask you to call me and you refused,so what else do you want me to do again,i'll come i am not afraid of you but only my Federal Gorvernment.

Thanks and Allah bless.
Mohamed!

From Dirk to Mohamed 6/1

Dear Mohamed,

That sounds great. Pick a place and time for us to meet in Lagos on the 6th and I will be there. I will be wearing a light blue business suit. We should also pick out a secret password that we can say to eachother when we meet. Just so we know it is us. Do you want me to email you a picture of me?

Thanks

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 6/3

Dirk,

My friend,if realy you mean you are in Lagos,call me on this number; 08033468678?Lets talk before then.

Thanks,
Mohamed!

From Dirk to Mohamed 6/4

Mohamed,

Am I crazy or did you contact me for my help?  My way or the highway.  If you want my assistance financially, pick a place and time to meet.  If not, I am declaring shenanigans on this transaction.

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk  6/4

Dirk,

I asked you to call and you refused,i just want to inform you that my wife's younger brother in oversea want's to assist me in this transaction.

I will get back to you as soon as everything is okay,to reinburse you for your effort in this business.

Thanks and Allah bless,
Mohamed!

From Dirk to Mohamed 6/5

Dear Mohamed,

I completely understand. I'm glad you found someone else to scam, errrrrr, help you with the transaction. Sorry, it seems that I have come down with a condition called "BLURTOUTDATRUTH" while I have been in Africa.

My friend Albert Fred, a fellow scammer, errrrr, African business man like yourself, has invited me to a conference which I would like you to attend.   I think you will enjoy it and that way we can meet each other face to face.

You can really learn a thing or two at the convention. Please visit their website and let me know what you think.

http://j-walk.com/blog/docs/conference.htm

So what do you say? Can I put you down for a hard boiled egg and a cricket?

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk  6/6

Dirk,

Are you scared of calling my number,i gave you my mobile phone number to call and you refused,why.

Mohamed!
My number is as follows;08033468678?

From Dirk to Mohamed 6/10

Dear Mohamed,

No, everytime I call it some African guy answers and I hang up. What did you think about the conference?

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk  6/11

Dirk,

I thought you are a responsible man,i never knew you are not.
What did you say that you call my line and some people pick the phone,
i put it to you that you are a lier.In respect of you so called conference,how do you think i will attend a conference people that tells lies,imposible?

Thank's,
Mohamed!

From Mohamed to Dirk  6/12

Dear Dirk,

I dont think i can continue wasting my time in communicating with unseriouse person like you,a lier.
Meanwhile i am processing my traveling document to meet with my Chines friend in respect of my transaction with him so i am very busy for now.Iam not interested with your confrence.Take note?

Mohamed!

EBOLA MONKEY MAN:  Finally, he caught on.  

From Dirk to Mohamed 6/16

Dear Really Bad Scammer,

What is the matter shit head, no reply? BE A MAN. Admit you were trying to
scam me.

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 6/17

Dirk,

What's the problems with you then when youve'd known me as a bad scammer,why not you leave me alone,what do you want from me then,if you want us to be intimate friends you better open up to me i will accept you as my friend i hope you have my phone number you are ever free to call,if theres any assistance you want from me call me if i am capable to assist,i will.

Thanks,
Mohamed!

From Dirk to Mohamed 6/19

Dear Mohamed,

OK. You don't get it.  Just so you know, I know about the 419 scam. As a matter of fact, I actually have a website that exposes your fake asses. Whitey is on to you boy. You've caught me in a good mood so I have a proposal.  I want to give you a job. If you are willing to be my Nigerian correspondent, meaning you will write a column on my site that takes hard working people like me into the mind of a thief, I will buy you a new blow dart gun and pay you $10 US a month. I know what you are thinking and yes, this is a far cry from the thousands you hoped to get from me, but at least you would be earning it. Think about, you probably could feed your entire village/tribe.  If you have a conscious (stupid question on my part), then we are good to go.

Check out the site and get back to me:  www.ebolamonkeyman.com

We would love to have you on the team.

Dirk
errrrr Ebola Monkey Man

PS- I like you Mohamed.  I might even give you a nickname.

From Mohamed to Dirk 6/20

Dirk,

Thank's for your recent mail.I thank you very much for your informations.  But i will like to ask you a questions;It's it a crime for people you regards as scammers to let other members of the World that gediness is not good,dubiosness is not good,i mean you people should allow scammers to let people learn from there mistakes,i am not saying i'm one among the scammers right,i am just trying to put sence into you ,i hope you get me right.

Then if you want me to work with you as a friend,better because i do hear of scammers home and abroad.

Thank's
Mohamed!

N/B,Dirk, where are you presently,notify me as soon as you receive this mail,i hope you have my phone number are you afraid of calling me.

From Mohamed to Dirk  6/21

Dirk,

I didn't hear from you today why?

Mohamed!

From Dirk to Mohamed 6/22

Dear Mohamed,

Thank you for the email.  I haven't been able to answer you emails in a couple of days because I have been working.  Like a normal person.  Working hard to make a living.  Notice I said WORKING, not stealing.  

Cut the crap, your not fooling anyone, I know you are a scammer.  That's why I'm offering you to let the world into the mind of a scammer and I'll even pay you $10 and a new blow gun.  

Dude, scamming people is wrong in every sense.  You can't justify stealing from someone else.  It's a cowards way out.  Here's your chance to be a leader and not a follower.  Be a man, look around the Internet cafe you are sitting in right now and tell your fellow scammers (I know they are sitting right next to you) and tell them they are cowards.  Tell them that they are afraid of hard work and that they should follow you to the nearest McDonalds and apply for a job.  Then I will respect you because that's what hard working people do.  They suck it up and go to there shitty job and work.  They  could easily be criminals, but they aren't.  They work their ass off and if there is a God, they will be rewarded.  

What do you say?  Will you be a leader?

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk  6/23

Dirk,

I'm very very greatfull for you resent mail you sent to me,it's quiet understandable.But it's like you are calling me a thief,is it what you mean,that wrong by you.

Any way,i so much love your words and i got to take you as a man.

Dirk,you see the course of all this,is that when you go out there no job, you'll see a young Graduate out there no job for him to do,what else do tou want he/she to do,i mean it's quiet unfortunate,they said AN IDLE MAN IS AN ANGRY MAN,i hope you understand what i mean.

So,Dirk my friend,i'm just trying to express my fillings some how,to you i am not Mohamed Abacha,i would have given you my full name but you are just like a green snake in a green grass of which,if i see's a snake like you i would like to kill,so for that i withheld my name for now,i hope you have my phone number,email adress we can be reaching each orther.For now i don't have a job if you have or theres any thing you can do for me to survive allways contact me.

Thank's.
Name withheld.

From Dirk to Mohamed 6/23

Mohamed (I will just keep calling you that for the hell of it, even though I know it's not your name),

Thank you for emailing me back.  I'm trying to make you understand that I know you are a thief.  You are a Nigerian 419 Scum/Scam artist.  Not a good one I might add but I will save that for another email.  You have to understand something, I'm not the snake here.  It's you my lazy brother.  You are the one that tries to take money that doesn't belong to you.  There are plenty of people that graduate from universities and they don't get high paying jobs.  You don't see them trying to steal money.  Just because you are poor does not give you the right to steel from people.  The money you and your fellow tribesmen steal destroys many peoples lives.  Please, I'm begging you, get a real job.  You seem like a nice guy.  Jesus Mohamed, I'm the Ebola Monkey Man and I'm being nice to a scammer.  I know you can do it.

I want you to light the Internet Cafe you are sitting in right now on fire.  I talked to God and he says he will forgive you if you light that mother fucker up with all the other scammers.  Lock the door, take some gasoline, and burn that Internet Cafe down with all those scammers in it.  

What do you say brother?

Dirk

PS - It is hard to kill a small green snake with a blow dart gun.  You have to have amazing aim.

From Mohamed to Dirk  7/3

Hey friend,

How you today,for some time now we have not heared from each other i know you have been expecting my mail,i am soory please,all this while i have been busy trying to keep things in other you know.

Dirk,where are you presently now i hope you do hear from your wife and your kids
how are they fearing i hope okay extend my greetings to them right.

Men,i have been xepecting your call all this while whats wrong,your last mail,i had what you said but it's imposible,i don't believe in killing innocent people or destroy something that deos'nt belong to me men i cant do that right.

I hope to hear from you again,

Remain my friend Dirk.
Name withheld?

From Dirk to Mohamed 7/7

Dear Name Withheld,

I'm good.  I am back in the US.  Sorry I did not write back sooner as I was enjoying the holiday weekend.  Yasmine and my sons extend a greeting to you.

So, you've been busy keeping your other scams in order.  That's great.  Make any big scores?  I can only imagine how busy you can get if you have like 20 scams going at the same time.  How do you not confuse your victims?  You must have the strength of 10 men.

I've been busy too.  I work a lot.  Difference being that my company helps people as opposed to sending them to financial ruin.

Hey, this is just a shot in the dark but do you think my products on www.ebolamonkeyman.com would sell well in your Internet cafe that you work out of?  Imagine how proud some of the scammers would be if I had shirts of them hanging on the walls.  Let me know.

You will always be my friend because I like you.  Be safe brother and good luck scamming whitey.

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk  7/9

Dear dirk

Thank's for your mail.  Again we got to thank our almighty father for guilding you here in my country Nigeria that noting happened to you, that was my pray every day.Anyway,i know you didn't come because of me,you came for another business because i could remember i never invited you to Nigeria.  Dirk,it has not been easy for me for some times now things have not been going accordingly you may understand what i mean without been told.  So,how is your wife and your kid,i hope they are all okay,extend my warmly greetings to all?  I stop here so far till i hear from you again.

Thank's and God bless.

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Mohamed has actually confused the shit out of me with this one.  I don't even know how to respond.  I like Mohamed.  He makes me laugh although I don't think he does it on purpose.  I'm going to let my good friend, The Profanator, try to get through to him.  I think this one needs a new flavor added to it.  Go get him brother.

From The Profanator to Mohamed 7/10

Dear Mohamed:

I am good friends with Dirk Toolhardy.  I write to you about a very serious matter, and one which I feel is worthy of my immediate attention. Dirk is at a complete loss as to what to say to you. I will try to explain, please read this very carefully and try to understand all. If it helps, chew on some
bark or something for concentration. This is important Mohamed, Dirk is quite upset.

Dirk Toolhardy does not exist. Let us call the man with whom you have been in contact "Name Witheld." Name Witheld's (Dirk Toolhardy's) hobby is contacting Nigerian 419 fraud scammers and baiting them for fun. By baiting, I mean making them think they are going to make money and having them do all kinds of silly things. Name Witheld knows you are one of these scammers. He
does not know why you are pretending you are not. Name Witheld has never been to Nigeria, he has no children, and he is worried about you being a complete retard for still carrying on this ruse.

If you go to this website, and please do, you will find a copy of your correspondence with name witheld and even your fake picture.

www.ebolamonkeyman.com

Please write back and tell us whether you think the website is funny. You see Mohamed, Name Witheld and I like you, very much. We have, for a while, wanted to talk on a personal level with one of you chaps. We think you are generally a good guy, perhaps not too sharp, but we blame that on education.

At the very least, acknowledge the fact that Name Witheld reverse scammed you and that you are a scammer. We like you Mohamed, please write back pal!

Sincerely,

Name Witheld's Friend
(Profanator)

Ebola Monke Note:  Fucker won't write us back.  I may just take back the job I offered him.

From The Profanator to Mohamed 7/11

Dear Mohamed:

Please respond. We are very concerned about you and your well being. Name Witheld and I will not sleep untill we know you are in no distress.

I understand that Name Witheld (Dirk) offered you $10.00 and a blowgun to write for his website as a Nigerian correspondent. I am so elated by the idea that I too will offer an extra ten dollars. Imagine what you could do with TWENTY dollars! Would you like to know the best part, though? I have to tell you, I have found the worlds greatest, most technologically advanced blowgun! It has a laser sight and can hold 16 blowdarts on its shaft! Just imagine how great you will be within your tribe!

Just to whet your appitite I am attaching a picture of what could be yours.

We like you Mohamed. Please respond.

Sincerely,

The Profanator
(Dirk's friend)

From Mohamed to Dirk  7/11

Mohamed,

Jesus brother, listen to the man, that's a hell of a blow gun.  On top of the that, an extra 20 spot.  Are you crazy?  This is the opportunity of a life time.  You were always telling me about how many people wanted you dead dude.  Now you will be able to cap their asses with a laser guided poisonous frog tipped darts.  You'll be unstoppable.  Fuck yeah!

Please consider it my man.  I expect your response ASAP.

Dirk

PS - How would you say these phrases in your language (I need them soon so please write back):

"I like they way you do that right thurr"

"We only humans girl we make mistakes, to make it up I do whatever it take, I love you like a fat kid love cake"

"Cuz it's 187 on mother fuckin' cop"

"Dirky, what's my mutha fuckin name. Dirky, and who I'm rollin wit, my niggas."

"Girl, you looks good, won't you back that ass up, You´se a fine motherfucker, won´t you back that ass up, Call me big daddy when you back that ass up"

"Why do birds appear, everytime, you are near.  Just like me, they long to be, close to you" (by the way, this one is not for me, um, it's for a friend)

From Mohamed to The Profanator  7/12

DearWilliams,

Call this number for us to discuss,the number is as follows;
08033468678.
Nigerian code num;234
Then you can omite the first zero?

Thank's!

From Mohamed to The Profanator  7/12

Dirk,

What do you mean,by the way who is this man that you gave my email adress,i dont know him,if you realy want me to work for you okay not given my adress to people i dont know right.
Okay,lets talk deal now,how it's it go be tell me and also tell me the condition of the condition of the job lets kick off.again next time don't you ever use the word fuck to me right, i know why i am saying this,because both of us now are like partners,if i'm not mistaking since i started communicating with you i have never one day used an abusive word to you because i don't like insult,i have my own way of doing my things,infact till i read from you againg.

Thank's?

From Mohamed to Dirk  7/13

Dear Mohamed,

I'm sorry, I will never use the word fuck again when talking to you.  Fuck is a tough word for some and sometimes I don't think.  Fuck can make people angry.  You are right, since we have been communicating, you have never used words like fuck, fuck face, fuckety fuck fuck, or fucking fuck fucker.  Regardless, I will never use the word fuck again.

The Profanator is my business partner.  I'm sorry I didn't warn you that he would be writing you.  You can trust him.  Mohamed, we both like you and want you to join the team at www.ebolamonkeyman.com.  You asked me the condition of the condition.  I'd like to allow myself to introduce myself.  The Profanator and I are conspiring to conspire and want you to come aboard. Think again about the proposal.

You are my man Mohamed.  So can you please translate the phrases that I asked you to in the last email.  It would mean so much to me.

Thanks

Dirk

From Mohamed to The Profanator  7/13

Dear Profanator,

I don't know you,untill i confirm who you are from my friend Dirk,then i will respond to you.And if realy you work hand in hand with Dirk send me picture of both of you.

Thank's?

From The Profanator to Mohamed 7/14

Dear Mohamed:

I am shocked and appalled, sir. How dare you question my motives or friendliness with Dirk. What, you think I just happened to find your e-mail address and come up with the name Dirk as an intro. Dirk is right, you are a moron. Dirk and I have been collegues for some time. he should be writing to inform you and to let you know that we still want you as a partner at www.ebolamonkeyman.com.

Dirk told me about your anger at his bad language, particulary the word fuck. I have told Dirk on several occasions that e-mail is no place to use the word fuck. It is as improper to say fuck as it is to say shit, piss, tits, spunk, arse, or twat. However, fuck is totally rude and I have told Dirk not to offend you by saying fuck again. He knows never to say fuck to you Mohamed, I have made sure that fuck has been struck from his lexicon.

Anyway, please let me know about the blowgun and twenty dollars. Please be my friend too, Mohamed.

Sincerely,

Profanator

P.S. You may call me Will Tuchme

PROFANATOR NOTE:
Dude... I have no fucking clue what to do about this one... Um, help... I am at a loss for words. Should we try to get him back into the scam?   I think this fuckwit would actually buy it.

hang on dude... I am sending him a pic of ron and bruce campbell.

From Mohamed to The Profanator  7/14

Dear friend,

It's like you came with Dirk to Lagos last time he came to Nigeria,Sure.

Anyway,for now i don't need your money neither your blow gun,,just go straight to the point,what i can do for you right now,then how is the job is going to look like,i have made up my mined to work with your and Dirk,i am ever ready to work with you if only you and Dirk will keep to your words.I will not betray you,you will not betray me either.  Again,before i will forget,the picture i told you about,you and Dirk should take a shot and send to me for propoer identification,for me to be sure of what i am doing and people i want to work with?

Thank's and God bless!

From The Profanator to Mohamed 7/14

Mohamed,

Ok, you know that I did not come to Lagos with Dirk. That is right... Neither did Dirk, you dolt.

We will not betray you as you will not betray us. We will be partners. We both like you. Please think about the blowgun and money though, that is a hell of a deal and we want you to be happy.

Just to prove we like you, I am sending you the picture you have requested of me and Dirk.

In return, we would like for you to complete your first assignment for us. We would like for you to write us a letter telling us, in detail, about the internet cafe you are in. How many people are in there, what are they doing, are they doing business? What are they drinking?

Please do this for us. We will then do something for you,

Sincerely,

Dirk's friend Will
(Profanator)

From Mohamed to Dirk 7/14

Dear Dirk,

I understand what you mean but before that could take place promise me you will not betray me in any way.As par you proposals i am ever ready to work with you. Dirk,can you answer this question for me,do you mean i am to meet you Abroad.  If am to meet you Abroad,how about my means of coming down,again,to be frank with you i am scare that you and your coliques will make fun of me if i should come down to your country.Unless both of us will enter into an agreement.May be later we discuss on that level.

Look Dirk,i am a young graduate,a Chemical engineer,i cant see my self messed up like that,is either i stay here without doing any work,or work for you then i will be messed up.
So how do you see to that.

Till i hear from you again.

Thank's?

Ebola Monkey Note:  We are so close I can taste it.  This is history in the making people.  A Nigerian Scammer crossing over to the other side.  Who would have thought that a scambaiter could get a scammer to even consider writing a column.  Somebody pinch me.

From Dirk to Mohamed 7/14

Dear Mohamed,

I would never betray you.  My offer stands.  We want you to be a correspondent for ebolamonkeyman.com.  From what I understand, the Profanator (Will U. Tuchme), has already given you your first assignment.

Mohamed, I know you said you didn't need the money and the blow dart gun.  Trust me buddy, that's just your ego and pride talking.  Don't be proud, take the goods.  

I don't think it would be necessary to come to us.  The way I see it working is you continue to scam and do what you do, but also write a column on ebolamonkeyman.com.  The Profanator will give you a weekly assignment to write on.  We want you to take us into the mind of a scammer and answer all the questions.  Like a behind the scenes correspondent.  Don't tell any of the other scammers in your Internet Cafe that you are helping us or there might be mutiny.  You'd be like a double agent of sorts.  Friends on both sides if you catch my drift.

You take this job and I'll make sure the honest hardworking people and colleagues of mine never, ever make fun of you.  Besides, just make fun of us back.  We are cool like that.

Oh, please try to translate the following phrases:

"I like they way you do that right thurr"

"We only humans girl we make mistakes, to make it up I do whatever it take, I love you like a fat kid love cake"

"Cuz it's 187 on mother fuckin' cop"

"Dirky, what's my mutha fuckin name. Dirky, and who I'm rollin wit, my niggas."

"Girl, you looks good, won't you back that ass up, You´se a fine motherfucker, won´t you back that ass up, Call me big daddy when you back that ass up"

"Why do birds appear, everytime, you are near.  Just like me, they long to be, close to you" (by the way, this one is not for me, um, it's for a friend)

I was hoping to use some of them on my date this weekend but you burned me.  

Talk to you soon,

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 7/15

Dear Dirk,

I aknowledged your message,so let me look forward and see what Williams may come up with,i'll still get in touch with you.

Thank's
and God bless you!

From The Profanator to Mohamed 7/15

Dear Friend:

We have a lot of respect for you Mohamed. Thank you very much for becomming part of the team. We will make it worthwhile for you. Welcome aboard. You have tripled in my estimation!

Thank you for the completion of your first project. I would like to ask you a few questions, though. What kind of drinks and snacks do the patrons of the Internet cafe eat and drink. Is there any alcohol? Secondly, are there any video games there in Nigeria? I play games online all of the time.
Perhaps we could meet up and cap some bases!

Here is another question. What do you do for fun? I understand that you e-mail then go home and pray for business, but what do you do to relax? Do you play cards, ride horses, what?

Take care my friend. We really appreciate your input!

Best,

Profanator

From The Profanator to Mohamed 7/17

Dear Buddy,

I return your seasonal felicitations, my brother. I also thank you for your e-mail. Please, Mohamed, do understand that you are not wasting time, whatsoever. Your work for us is most appreciated and enlivening. I understand all that you are saying about the cafe, but what is bugga? I am most confused. Also, you should learn to play video games, they are fun! You should get a copy of Quake and we could meet each other in the arena. I would take care of you until you got your frags in order. We could think up a phat handle for you and everything. I will be thinking of that.

Anyway, it is sad that you are not married. How old are you? Dirk is married, but I am not. I think I will be alone forever, Mohamed, it is sad. Alas, what kind of women do you look for? How do you make them try to love you? Do you dance, or are you a smooth talker? I bet you are all. Dirk and I both drink alcohol, heavily.

My good friend, a blow dart gun is a ballistic defense system whereby a slim projectile is launched at considerable speed through a small aperture in a targeted direction through propulsion by exhalation. Does that answer your question? You should have one.

Dirk and I are trying to figure out ways to make this worth your while.  There is obviously the blowgun, but we feel a salary is in order. How could we get it to you?

Anyway, please tell me about the young ladies you meet as well as this: have any of the scammers in the cafe ever scammed anyone to your knowledge? Do you know any scammers that have?

I hope you are well, brother. I look forward to your reply. You are doing valuable work!

Williams
(The Profanator)

PROFANATOR NOTE: This one goes out to my geek friends everywhere... Frag em high!!!

From Mohamed to The Profanator 7/17

Dear Williams,

Look i have told you earlier before now that your blowgun,i don't need it.  By the way, why are you not married  at your age now,don't you think is unfare, please my friend see if you can pick up any one to get married to plaese i am plaeding,  because it shows that one is reponssible,don't you reason like.

The salary you you feel is in order,where did you get it,i hope it's not a stolen one,because i not that kind of person of yesterday right,i'm a changed humanbein now.

Yea,Williams,ladies are on the system anyway,but not so much like the young men,the only use ladies to attend to any client when necessary i hope you get me right.

As per men that scam there fellow men,you know every scammer have his own way of opperation,the system i use may not be the system you use you undrestand.

So,Williams,i hope you don't call me a fool for telling you all this,for i know i am tying to betray scammers you understand,but what you got to understand is this,i have already promised that i will work with you and Dirk,what ever information you need,if i'm capable,i will give you.

Thank's.

N/B,Williams how do pay on this,and how much do you think you can pay for this,i look foward to hear from you before i continue again?

Buy for now!

Ebola Monkey Note:  Look at the response the Profanator gets from Mohamed.  He is to Nigerian Scammers as Robert Redford is to horses.  The Nigerian Scam Whisperer if you will.  

Profanator Note: That is the best thing I have ever been called. I am given renewed strength and determination. When scam-baiters ask me if I can help them with scammer problems, I will say "No, I help scammers with scam-baiter problems." Thank you, Monkey. God bless, brother.

From Mohamed to The Profanator 7/17

Dear Dirk,

Compliment of the season.  Dirk,i write to know how you are fearing,i hope all is well with you,i came this morning to check my box,to see if you guys have replied my mail,but could not find your write up today,so i deside to write to know if theres any problems.  Any way i have just finished replying Mr. Williams just now.  So,i will like you guys to furnish me the fee to be paid for my job or else i have to discontinue from the job right.  So,today how is your wife,i can't remember her name any longer,just extend my greeting to her.

Thank's?

From Dirk to Mohamed 7/17

Dear Mohamed,

Sorry for the delay in writing you.  I've been traveling for business.  I think you have been doing a great job so far.  Please keep up the good work.  I trust that you and The Profanator are developing a good working relationship.  He will contact you later about payment details.  Please do not worry about this as we are more than happy to reward you for answering our questions about what goes on in other parts of the world.  I respect you for letting us into your world.  

I will be out of touch for a couple days as I am going on vacation with my wife Yasmine.  Will (The Profanator) will be writing you later today.

Take care,

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 7/17

Dirk,

Thanks for your responce.Dirk my friend,how do you see about it,i mean demanding for payment,i hope i'm not making a mistake.If it's wrong as a friend you beter let me know. And my greetings to, Yasmine your wife?

From Dirk to Mohamed 7/17

Dear Mohamed,

No, you are not making a mistake. You are going to write about what goes on and we are going to pay you. No problem. You see Mohamed, many people are curious about these scammers. Both the Profanator and I know you are not one but being near them, you can tell us about them and keep it a secret. You are doing the right thing. The Profanator will work out the details
with you.

Yasmine says hi.

Thanks

Dirk

From The Profanator to Mohamed 7/18

Dear Mohamed:

I thank you so much for your wonderful mail. You are opening the minds of many men and women to the culture of another country. Please tell me, what is Bugga?

I am touched by your response to my marital status. I don't know how much you know about American women, Mohamed, but they are all insane. When I find one who is delightful and lovely, rest assured I shall take the required steps. Until that time though my friend, I shall remain alone.

In regards to your appropriate compensation (salary) for this work, I must let you know that the Dirk and myself are men of our words. Our word is our bond, never to be betrayed. We are still discussing things, but please bear in mind that we are not rich, and we will be funding you out of our own pockets. Life in America is extremely expensive and what little we have left each month will be put aside for you, my friend. If you would like the blow dart gun, we can arrange it, but how does $50.00 a month strike you? We can send it via Western Union. I would hope that in the near future, you can trust us enough to provide contact details. Let me know what you think. We want to keep you happy and have you take your work seriously.

I have some questions for today. Are you saying that young women are reserved for business men who come into the country to be scammed? Also, what happens when somebody arrives in the country to be scammed? Is he or she met at the airport? Are they entertained? Just let us know a bit about what goes on when the clients arrive. What is your system like?

Once again, brother, we thank you. Let us know about the compensation and we will discuss how to get it to you. $50.00 a month for sending e-mails is not bad, pal.

I hope you are well, and please extend my best wishes to your family too.

Williams
(Profanator)

From Mohamed to The Profanator 7/18

Bro Williams,

I don't think i can continue with this job,what do you think i'll do with $50 00. I mean it's too small for some one like me.You see i dont have a computer of my own,i pay when ever i go to any cafe to send you mail,i transport my self down to the place,i eat every day,smoke and drink,then after all this you expect me to have such per month i mean is very poor.For my own understanding,all the info i'm to furnish you with,if you don't want it for something tangible i don't think you will need it,i believe before all this you and you coliques would have been prepared. Willy,look avery info you want about scmmers,both home and abroad i'll give you,that's my promise.You know,it's also a risk on my own side if any of this scammers come to know what i was doing,don't you know that.so you
people need to do some thing about it,for the bugga,i hold my peace till then.

Thank's?

Ebola Monkey Note:  Greedy bastard. What does he mean "too small?" Not four days into the job and he wants a raise. I love the way he is acting like he wouldn't be in the Internet cafe robbing people anyway. See, that's the problem with these scammers. Give them an inch and they want a mile. I'm going to try to talk some sense into him.

From Mohamed to Dirk 7/18

Dirk,

Good day. I just want to let you kow that i am not happy with what the profanator was saying.This is because i am putting some things into considerations,$50.00,don't worth it at all,i believe he,Williams will tell you better.So Dirk,the blowgun of a thing please put me through on what they do with it because i have not come accros such thing right.

Dirk,by the time we are through with the negociation of what my salary will be i will send to you my real name and my picture and each and every one of us in this team will take an oath,if i, you Dirk and williams happens to betray any of us,let me die,i hope you understand what i mean,i wouldn't like to betray you people,you guy should also not betray me too.After negociations i will tell you how we are going to do it,thats what makes me an African man,if you guys are not seriouse about this deal i am seriouse about it.i'll work with you thats all.

Again,all this while i have been in contact with you, i have spent not less than $100.00.So what do you think i will do with $50.00.So you mean i will be working with you guys,then be looking like a mad man in the street,are you an indian man or a philipino that does not know what is good,for me i'm espensive,so if you guys don't want to work with me,you can look for some orther person right.
I stop here so far till i hear from you again. How about you baby,and Yasmine,my greetings to them all.

Thank's?

From Dirk to Mohamed 7/17

Dear Mohamed,

I think everyone needs to relax. Mohamed, if I may be honest with you, $50 a month is a good deal to answer a couple of questions a week. We can make it so the questions will be there on Monday, and you can send the answers back to us on the following Monday. That way, you will only have to go to the Internet cafe 4 times a month. Besides, you obviously have other things to work on so you wouldn't just be going to the Internet cafe for our business.

Mohamed, I want to share a letter with you from one of my fans. His name is Craven Moorehead.

Dear Dirk,

I am a big fan of your website and your work. I particularly love the profanator, he is funny and brilliant with the touch of a genius in his writing. Does he write anything else?

Anyway, for a while I stopped reading your stuff because I felt so sorry for the poor Nigerians. At the end of the day, it is not their fault that they live in a corrupt country that does not choose to share its huge wealth with its own people. However, I have recently had cause to read your website again. I am talking about Mohamed. I think he is a very brave and corageous man. He is just the sort that should be an idol and figurehead to his peers. If more Nigerians followed the example of Mohamed and actually fought against the system by being honest with us, Nigeria would be a better place. When that day comes, the Fame Mohamed is recieving through your website will place him as a high ranking official. He is an honest man, I am, in a way, proud.

Dirk, I know you are a struggling Viagra salesman. But I have many friends who are interested in Mohamed and his bravery. I am getting together a group who will contribute towards your website so that we can let Mohamed know we care and he is a worthy man.

Keep up the wonderful work of making us a true, one-world.

Peace,

Craven Morehead

You see Mohamed, you are making a difference and becoming quite popular. Please don't be silly and take the $50 a month. All you have to do is answer questions. Nothing more then that my friend. Plus, we don't need your real name and photo is you are not comfortable with it. Just give us the name of the person we are to Western Union the $50 to. Please reconsider and get back to us.

Your friend and co-worker (I hope),

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 7/18

Dear Dirk,

Okay,accepted,beause i take tou as my own person,i may not know what you take me as right,what ever thing you ask me to do i will. So,the one i have worked for,how do i recieve the payment,what and what do you need to transfer the one i have worked for. Name,******* ****** ******.That's my name?

Ebola Monkey Note: Calm is restored. That was close. I took his name out so we don't get him killed. Plus he is Mohamed to me and it's easier.

From Dirk to Mohamed 7/19

Dear Mohamed,

That's great news buddy. I think the three of us will work beautifully together. Enjoy your weekend. The Profanator will be emailing you about payment times and schedules. For the website purposes, we will still call you Mohamed so your identity will be hidden. Is that OK? It's always best for stand up writers like us who work for quality reporting websites to have and use an alias.

Talk to you soon,

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 7/20

Dirk,

I'm sorry i can't do any thing today just because i am not feeling fine,yestaday some useless elements attacted me and collected my hand phone,gave me injuries on my head,so i have lost my hand phone for now,i'll reach you when ever i get new phone,pls bear with me,as i am ending you mthis mail,i am already drunked i just manage to come to internet cafe,i will see you morrow right.

Thanks.

Ebola Monkey Note: ?????????

From Mohamed to The Profanator 7/22

Friend,

What is happening,are you guys okay,i write to confirm whats going on,since yesterday i have not red from you guys,what's wrong,i hope fine,i believe so! Again when is the job commencing or are you not ready with the job or you are satisfied with this litle info you have gotten,i'm hungry of your
responce pls. Yea,Mr.Williams,please could you send to me a portable handphone in your country,i know is very cheap that place in respect of that your blowgun of a thing,i donn't need blowgun just because i don't want to kill somebody.

Thank's,
Nyema!

From Dirk to Mohamed 7/23

Mohamed,

I trust that you are feeling better. I know what it is like to have elements go upside your head with your hand phone. Both the Profanator and I have been there. The Profanator apologizes for not getting back to you sooner. He has been sick. We did discuss how we see this relationship working. We will Western Union you your money after every 4 assignments completed. So basically, you have 3 more to go. Every Monday, we will give you a new assignment to write on. This will give you 7 days to think and write about it until you receive your next one.

Here is what you completed so far: Internet Cafe assignment.

Here is your next assignment: Who are the Nigerian Scammers?

Basically tell us about some of the scammers that you know. What do they do for fun? Do they have other jobs? How old are most scammers? Are there mostly men or women? Do they have families?

You know, just describe them and their habits. I know you only have a couple of days before Monday and I apologize. Just do the best you can.

Also, please give us all the information for Western Union so we can pay you.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 7/24

Dirk,

Compliment of the season.

I was wondring why you and Williams have refused to write all this while,not knowing that there was something wrong somewhere.

So how is he now,i mean Williams,i hope he is getting beter,what is actually wrong with him,please notify me while replying this mail because i cares for both of you guys,i take you guys as my family friends despite any situations we migth find our selfs i don't give a dowm you get me right.

Yea,back to business,yea actualy i'm feeling more much better for now.

So, my dear friend,you see to be frankly speaking,i my self i can't even mension all b/cos they are too many to mension,you see Dirk,even in your country they are there,they are all over the world,believe what i am telling you today.Again this scammers you are talking about,they are well educated people,more especialy the Lawyers are all involved in this business,not only Nigerians,other African countries,europians are also involved,they use them too,for the business.
If you go to China,Australia,Holland,Malaysia,Singapor,the countries they use as their offshore are too numeriose to mension.

Some of this men have other investments apart from 419 as you may call it,just like those of them who are Lawyers,they their own private chambers where people come to consult them for matters too you understand.

What they do for fun as you may say,is that,here in Nigeria,the federal gorvernment is after them now sotherefor they are hiding them self most of them that they as 419 have all left for ther home town or other African country or europe,because most of them based in Lagos state,Imo state etc.

Not like before where ever they are you must know that they are there,because if they are to come to any occation,you know,may be some body invited them for an occasion,party etc,they come on convoy,you see series of cars lined up you know they like making noise etc
They have other jobs that they do most of them.Some of them are at the age of 50yrs,40yrs etc.Then those at the age of 23,25,30yrs are there boys that work for this men.They are mostly men and few women are involved.This men have families,they have brothers and sisters they train in the higher institutions,most a times they sponsore there younger ones to europe to go and study.They are rich people,they have money,they are also dangerous too they can kill,they take the highest risk on earth.

I know some of them,some are into drugs,when they gets money like that you know they will like to leave big go to big clubs in town enjoy with babes,buy big cars,buy for their boys and their girl friends etc. Some of them leave this business after some times and become pastors,importers and exporters,major contractors,politicians etc.
So,Dirk what and what do you need for the western union.
Thank's,

Nyema!

From Dirk to Mohamed 7/24

Mohamed,

Excellent job! Very interesting stuff.

Williams sends his regards and will write you soon. He is sick and has been catching up on other work. He has read your latest assignment and is very pleased.

As for the Western Union info, give us what we need to wire the money to you. I'm not really familiar with how it works. I think I need routing numbers.

Talk to you soon,

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 7/25

Dirk,

Good day! Do you mean Williams is seriously ill,i asked you last time,what was actualy the problems and you refused telling me,anyway you know more better.

On the issue of western union,you have to go to their office they now tell you what next to do right,are you telling me now that it has come for payment you won't now what to do,is it not you people that introduced the system of western union.Okay thats by the way,till i read from you again.
Buy for now?

From Dirk to Mohamed 7/25

Good day Mohamed,

Williams has a bad case of what we call Montezuma's Revenge mixed with a small case of crabs. He enjoys the working girl a little too much if you know what I mean. The good news is that he should be back to work in no time. Please do not be upset by his lack of communication. When he gets like this, he tends to lock himself in his apartment and listen to Celine Dion cds. I'm actually getting him tickets to her Las Vegas show, as she is his favorite singer.

Anyway, about Western Union. I will know what to do it's just that I thought you had to have an account number. Please understand that it is not common for Americans to use Western Union unless they have a reason to transfer money overseas. You are me and Williams first reason to do so. Please don't worry. We think of you as one of our family. We will pay you for your work and we will do it through Western Union. I will call them today and find out what info I need.

Talk to you soon.

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 7/25

Dirk,
Good day. I ought to have written you earlier b/fore now but i was too busy today. So how is Willy i hope he's okay today,i pray nothing should happen to him. How is your wife,your entire familyi hpe okay.

Thank's and God bless you!
Nyema!

From Mohamed to Dirk 7/25

Dirk,
Looking forward to hearing from you and Williams.

Thank's,
Nyema!

From Dirk to Mohamed 7/27

Dear Mohamed,

It was good to hear from you my friend. Williams is fine and finally recovering. There was a big lesson for him on this one, never trust a $3 whore with a $2 hair cut. We've been laughing at him for the past week. He is a good sport though.

Anyway, it's time for assignment #3. Here it is:

Tell us about the actual scam itself.

1. How does it work?

2. What's the most money you've seen someone make in one scam?

3. Who writes the emails? They seem to be very similar.

4. Is there a teacher who shows people who want to do this for some extra cash the tricks? How does someone become a 419 scammer?

5. Who creates those documents for the scams?

6. What is the purpose of asking people for their bank information?

7. Why do the scammers want to talk on the phone so much?

8. How many people actually fly over to your country and what happens to them when they meet up with the scammer?

Mohamed, please take your time in answering these and explain them in great detail. You are doing a great job.

Now I understand their is some turmoil in your country right now. I hope that you and your family are safe and far away from the danger.

Thanks,
Dirk

From The Profanator to Mohamed 7/28

Dear Nyema!

I am so very sorry for my lack of reply. As Dirk will have told you, I had a bad case of the Tiajuana Cha Cha's and also nasty dong-rot. I am better now and my health is improving. I thank you for your well wishes and return the same, my good friend.

You are doing an excellent job, and we very much appreciate it. It feels so good that we are all being honest and truthful. Doesn't it feel good to you? Dirk and I are trying to work out Western Union details.

I was shocked to hear of the elements that attached you and took your hand phone. If only you would have accepted our blowgun, you could have easily fended them off. However, I will look into hand phones, I am not sure if American ones will work in Nigeria, though.

We look forward to your responses, brother, and thank you for your patience.

Your friend,

Williams
(Profanator)

From Mohamed to Dirk 7/29

Dear Dirk,

Without wasting much time in answering this your questions,i believe you don't call me a stupid man.Because of pea nuts,mind you i am not doing it because of this #50 Dollars. Okay,how is your family,that's the most important thing i got to asked you before i proceed,i hope they are all fine.I thank God for that.

Yea,the scamm itself is a way of estracting or obtaining money from the gready rich or poor once.

1, How it works,is that,we have local and international way of this game,it's a game,either u loss or u gain. International way is this they send Fax,email and phone.

2, The most money they make is unpredicttable, because this money deosn't come in one or two instalment.But i have heared some making #5 to #10 000,000 dollars at blow.

3, The format are similar because they are composed by different people.This people are well educated and of different field. I believe before some one can compose any letter,he or she might have known how to respond to his clients.To my own understanding,this leters are composed by well educated men,such as Good lawyers,bankers that are no longer in service, journalists etc.

4, This business required cash,there are people that knows job very well and they dont have cash to start up,so the rich once sponsor them financially.Some of them that nows the job from local way,because u have to start from some where b/fore u proceed.You work for this rich once ,the rich once sponsor as chairman.You work for the chairmen,if theres any thing that comes out,the chairman will know how to pay you,it's just like a firm,where they have Manager and Directors.

5, I have answered this question b/fore now so look up.

6, The purpose of bank informations is just for formality sake,they dont do anything with it,they just want to pull your legs for you to believe what they are doing is real.Where they opperates in banks is when they lay hands on your cheques book and your signature,that is why i was telling you guys some time that fourigners are involved,one can not pull out someones money in his account without an insider in the bank.

7, They talk on phone so much for security reasons,you know its not everybody that knows about scammers,we still have people that doesn't know how it works rght,so that's it.

8, That is to tell you that there are somany of them in the street out there,i may not know how many b/cos everybody knows where he or she belongs to,they have different offices where they opperates.

Yea.Dirk,thank's for your concern,i am very much safe here.

Thank's and God bless.
Nyema!

From The Profanator to Mohamed 7/28

Hi Nyema!

I just wanted to touch base and make sure you are ok.

You are a good man and you are doing such a good job! We really think of you as a brother and a friend.

Your pal,

Williams

Ebola Monkey Note: Looks like Mohamed is scorn. I'm sure the Profanator will use his British charm to reclaim his special place in our Nigerian's heart.

From Dirk to Mohamed 7/30

Dear Mohamed,

Excellent job on your latest assignment. I just want to let you know that I will be out of town for a whole week with very little internet access. The Profanator (Williams) is waiting your response. He is sad that he has not heard from you. Please write him soon and expect your next assignment by
Monday. After you complete it, PAY DAY brother.

Talk to you soon. Be safe.

Dirk

From Mohamed to The Profanator 8/1

Williams,

I ought to have writen u before now,but due to some commitments on my side,but all the same,i'm cool and waiting to hear from you. How is every thing, i hope all is well.We thank God. So, my dear friend,in respect of the hand phone i told u of some time ago,what i realy mean is GSM hand set,how can u get it for me,a portable one,notify me as soon as u recieve this mail. Dirk,wrote me telling me that he has to be away for some time,so i wish him good luck.

Waiting to hear from youn soon.

Thank's,
Nyema!

From Mohamed to Dirk and The Profanator 8/1

LIFE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES!
_____________________________
Life is a challange-meet it
Life is sorrowful-overcome it
Life is a tragedy- face it
Life is a duty-perform it
Life is a grame-play it
Life is a song-sing it
Life is an opportunity-use it
Life is a struggle-fight it
Life is a risk-take it
Life is love-share it
Life is hardship-endure it
Life is a mystery-unfold it
Life is a gift-accept it
Life is a journey-complete it
Life is a beauty-praise it
Life is a promise-fulfil it
Life is a puzzle-solve it
Life is an adventure-dare it
Life is a goal-achieve it.

WHEN THE DESIRABLE IS NOT AVAILABLE,THE AVAILABLE BECOMES DESIRABLE!

Ebola Monkey Note: Ummmm, OK.

Profanator Note: *swoon*

From The Profanator to Mohamed 8/4

Dear Nyema!

I am pleased to hear from you and I thank you for your lovely sentiments. You are a good friend, indeed.

I am sorry I have not replied over the weekend, but I have been away trying to make a living. I am not sure which country is tougher, Nigeria or the USA! Anyway, I am back and all is well.

I am looking for an appropriate hand phone for you, Nyema. Please be patient. Dirk and I will also be taking care of your pay for your work.

For today's assignment, I would like you to tell of what happens when people come to Nigeria--people that are scammed. Tell us what the situation is with visas and how visas are used to hold someone in Nigeria. Also, are the people who come entertained, threatened, harmed? Do people ever come to Nigeria with large sums of money? Who has to be bribed to let them in and out of the country, etc. Who would meet the person at the airport? A small time worker or one of the higher scam "officials"?

Do you understand my questions?

I look forward to hearing from you, brother. Remember, Dirk and I are honest men. We will pay you and look for a hand phone.

I will be in touch more often!

Your friend,

Williams.

From Mohamed to Dirk and The Profanator 8/5

Dear Williams,

I expected your mail yesterday but could not hear from you. Anyway,how is every member of your family,friends and well wishers,i hope all is well,how about Dirk,i hope he is okay,good i love that men.

So,back to deal.

1.People that come's to Nigeria or any of the country either Africa or europe,easian countrie's,they call it offshore,no body will like to hurt any of his client. In the aspect of holding someone may be inrespect of seizing their documents is not ideal.If a client should come in respect of the mail sent to him as a dubiouse one,they will only go to the airport to receive the person,take the person to any of the five star hotel,lodge him,after that,it depends on the formats,i mean the write ups they used on the person,if it is Abacha's write ups and you are invited to come to Nigeria,after receiving you from the airport they now take you to where the consignment is,where the luggages are,they call it treasure point and you are intrested as a greed person you want to get more richer they now tell you what it take's for you to go with the luggages to which ever place you want it to be sent to.which will require you financing them or you telling them this is how much money you came along with,they now ask you to deposite some cash to enable them commence process on how to move the cash
to your own destination.

2.Again,is when you prove sturbone to them and they know you came with some reasonable amount of money,is there they will be some how funny,they can be funny atime's, depends on individual's.

3.In the airport,the people that come's to receive there client's are well nown person or high official's scammer's they know because they have money already.Again it depends your rapore with them,what i mean is that it depends on how you approache them,if they come to know that you are a big shot's,i mean if you claim to be rich,they also handle you in a biger way too you understand.

4.On the issue of who is to be bribed to let in and out,is that even in Eroupe or any of the African countrie's,before your arrival to the airport they have made all the necessary arangement for you not to be haraced or asked much question's. In the entertainment issue's they take care of you,they can take you to any place you want,provided you respond fine to them,i mean if they don't have any hope of getting cash from you they don't spend for you,but if there's hope they can spend for without minding you know that's the game men.

So, Williams, am still expecting more questions from you because am still having more in stock to tell you.

Thank's,

Nyema.

From Mohamed to Dirk and The Profanator 8/25

Dirk,
What is happening,you and the profanator should try and send the money i have worked for,i hope you get me right.
Waiting to hear from you soon.
Thank's,
Nyema?

From Dirk to Mohamed 8/25

Dear Mohamed,

Hello friend. I hope all is well. Sorry for the delay in response. I have been extremely busy and my work has been keeping me away. The company I work for is having some financial trouble and I haven't been sure as to what is going to happen. You see Mohamed, a lot of these corporate CEO's are no different then your run of the mill Nigerian Scammer. It seems like everyone has their hand in the cookie jar except for those who really need it. Anyway, the Profanator is out chasing rainbows again. He also pulled his labia majora but I expect him to be back in the game soon.

Please give me your Western Union account details so I can pay you. You've been good to us Nyema and should be rewarded.

A reader wrote in and wanted to know a couple of things. See if you can answer them:

1. Has anyone ever gotten their money back from a Scammer?

2. What do the Nigerian police do about this scam?

3. Do the scammers ever kill their victims when they go to see them?

4. Have you ever known any scammer who has been caught?

I will wait for your Western Union account details.

Your friend,

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk and The Profanator 8/27

Dirk,
Good day.
It's like you and the profanator don't want to work with me any longer.This was not our arrangement before now,you know it.

If realy you guys realy want me or want this job to continue,why not you pay me the one i have worked for,so that i my self will be happy to work with you right.

So,Dirk my Western union account is as follows.
Name:Nyema Oriekwu
Addres:28 Elimgbu road,Elimgbu town,Obio/akpor,Rivers state,Nigeria

If you want's to pay me for the one i have allready worked you can pay to any of the; First Bank Nigeria plc or All States Trust Bank plc,all in Port harcourt branch.

Dirk,why are you people finding it so dificult to pay this small peanut,this a small change man.

{ANSWER'S TO YOUR QUESTIONS}

1,I have not seen any body that has been scammed ever gotten thier money.

2,Yes,actualy the Nigerian police is after this scammers,even to the estend they go to cyber caffee to hunt for them,again not that the police do them any thing,it's just after some time they let them go,and that is why the rate of this is increasing every day,like as i told you some time ago that this people are highly conected to the Gorvernment so they don't do them anything.

3,Noooooooo,they don't kill thier victim.You can take your self as an example,if you want to get something from some one trickishly,and the person refused,how can you kill the person.

4,Yes.Just like some of the tough scammers they couth just of recent,somebody like, Fred adjudua and his friend last three months ago.

Thank's,
Nyema!

Ebola Monkey Note: The following emails are the latest in correspondence to Nyema!. We had gone a month without any contact. Keep in mind that I sent a couple of emails to him and he never responded. I also want you to pay close attention as you will see that it's obvious his real name is not Nyema! So for those fans who were concerned about his anonymity, your fears can be laid to rest.

From Dirk to Mohamed 9/22

Nyema,

Are you still there buddy? Before I send this money I want to know you are still alive.

Write me.

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 9/22

Dirk,
I am alive are you praying for me to die. All this while i have desided not to contact you untill u pay me for what i have worked for.

Thank's,
Nyema?

Ebola Monkey Note: At this point, I went to Western Union and sent the money. To send $50 it costs $12.

From Dirk to Mohamed 9/24

Nyema,

Were you able to get money? Let me know so we can start working again.

Your friend,

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 9/24

Dirk,

I received your message just now and i can not go to the bank now because is late,i will try tomorrow morning to check. What is the password which you used in sending the western union.

Thank's,
Nyema.

From Dirk to Mohamed 9/24

Nyema,

Good, the password is *****. The lady said that you can go to any Western Union in Nigeria and pick it up with your idea or the password.

Keep me informed buddy,

Talk to you soon

PS - I'm getting the next round of questions together for you.

From Mohamed to Dirk 9/24

Dirk,
The password you used,it's it ;*****.
Confirm and notify me.
Nyema.

From Dirk to Mohamed 9/24

Nyema,

I went to Western Union and paid you your fee. Please let me know if you received the money.

The password just so you know: *****

Please email me back.

Dirk Toolhardy

From Mohamed to Dirk 9/24

Dirk,
Actualy i have gone to the western union to claim the cash,but i was asked to produce my drivers licence or my international passport and i don't have all this requirement's eccept my business identity card that is with me.

Anyway,today is friday and they dont work on saturday's,by monday i gat to cash the money then i will notify you immediatly.

Dirk,you see one of those thing's i was telling you ealiar before now that this payment is just nothing to write home about regard's to international passport &drivers licence,to get all this will cost me more than one hundred percent of the payment,you understand.

But i am doing the job of thousand's of Naira or Dorlar,while i'm being paid for dine.
So Dirk,why have Williams refused to write me all this while or are you the person doing all this write up's,claiming to be some other person.Any way,i stope here so far,till monday,i promise you before 4p.m on monday you will hear from me.

Thank's,
Nyema?

Ebola Monkey Note: See what I mean? He says his real name in Nyema!? but he doesn't have one peice of ID laying around to confirm it. If you read between the lines, he has to go pay to get a fake ID together to pick up the money. He even bitches that it's going to cost him more. Now fans, he's one of us but you can now see why I say you should never feel sorry for them. THEY WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ANY SITUATION!

From Dirk to Mohamed 9/26

Hi Nyema,

The lady at Western Union said you didn't have to have ID if you used the Question and Password which is:

Q - ****** ****** ***** *****?
P - ******

I figured you knew that since you used Western Union before. Sorry about that. Do you not have a passport or proper ID? I don't understand.

Anyways, Willy has been busy. He is still your friend and I will tell him to write you. I haven't seen him that much lately so don't feel bad.

Please write me back on Monday. I hope you can get the money without any further problems.

Your friend

Dirk

From Mohamed to Dirk 9/30

Dirk,

Yes i got the money that same yesterday monday but i could not make it that same yesterday to write and inform you how far i have gone.So Dirk my friend this money is too small for this job i hope you get me right,it has to be increased to $200.00 per month right.So think over it.
So,how is every thing,your business and your enteir family,Willy too,i hope cool,i thank God.
So,Dirk we can continue with our deal right away with out wasting time because i have a lot to tell you,i mean more trick's they use in obtaining people both home and abroad.

Thank's,
Nyema!

From Dirk to Mohamed 9/30

Nyema!,

OK, thought about it. NO!

Do you see planes? Is your name Tattoo? BECAUSE YOU ARE LIVING ON FANTASY ISLAND MAN! Hell no I'm not giving you $200 to write barely anything. Don't be stupid. It's not my fault you had to pay for a fake ID because your real name is not Nyema! You shouldn't of told your name is Nyema! if it was going to create a problem when you went to pick it up. Picking up money at Western Union is free so don't even try to go there. If you want to be stupid, kiss the $50 a month goodbye. If not, stop complaining and write.

Still in shock over your last email,

Dirk

From The Profanator to Mohamed 9/30

Hey Nyema!

I am sorry not to have written, I have been so busy.

I just have to say that I am ashamed of you, Nyema. We really thought that you were somebody special. So many people have written to us and talked about how great what you are doing is. I would have thought that would be payment enough, brother.

Apparently not.

In sadness,

Williams

From Mohamed to Dirk 10/1

Dirk my friend,

It's like you guys are very angry with me,look there's nothing there that can anoy you,i'm just making a request and mind you my request can not stop us from our usual work,i know it come's for money like this there's always problems but it has not gotten to that extend i hope you get Dirk.
Let's continue our job as usual.And if there's any amount you feel you can add for me you try and notify me immediatly.

By the way Dirk,just carry it in mind that you have insulted me by calling me a stupid man,tattoo and all what not,okay no problems.I'm still online expecting your questions.

Thank's,
Nyema.

Ebola Monkey Man: Once again, break up to make up.

From Mohamed to The Profanator 10/1

Willy my man,

Long time no see.Dirk,is very angry with me i dont know what i have done,just because i was asking for payment increased,know kind of insult Dirk never gave to me,i was embarassed you know. Any way that's by the way.So how is everything all together,i hope fine,for i'm just managing for now.Please Willy try to coution Dirk,it;s like some that has hot temper,you know people like him can not do business,they will always be having problems with their partners which is not good.He should stop insulting me again,this is making two times he insulted me. So,i will be expecting your responce.

Have a nice day.
Nyema!

From The Profanator to Mohamed 10/1

Nyema!

It is good to hear from you. I am sorry I have not been in touch sooner. I am also sorry about what I said to you yesterday. You are a friend. I will speak to Dirk and tell him not to be so mean. I know he has been stressed out recently, he has really bad piles and he can't sit properly. Also his
girl left him and took his money. Trust me, Nyema!, Dirk is suffering at the moment. You do know that his website makes him no money, right? So he paid you out of his own pocket. We are not all rich here, brother.

Stay in touch, my friend,

Willy?

From Dirk to Mohamed 10/2

Dear Nyema!

I'm glad you changed your mind. Sorry for being so blunt but I felt I owed it to you. Money is tight for me too so I know what you are going through. Lets just put it behind us and dive into the next set of questions:

1. When do the scammers actually stop communicating with a potential victim? What are the criteria? What does a person have to write to cause the scammer to give up? Or to put it the other way around, what makes the scammer continue to email the victim?

2. Do scammers share techniques and success strategies with each other? Or is it more like "every scammer for himself?"

3. Do a lot of women do the scam or is it mostly a guy thing?

4. On average, how many scams does one scammer have going at the same time? How many emails does the typical scammer send out a day?

5. Is there one scammer in particular who is the best? For example, Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time. People who play basketball in the United States usually want to play like Jordan. Is there a greatest scammer?

6. How does one get started when they decide they want to try scamming people for a living? If I was living in Nigeria and I wanted to try, what do I do first? What are the steps to getting started?

OK Nyema, I've got to go. I look forward to your reply and stay safe.

Thanks

Dirk

From Mohamed to The Profanator 10/3

Dirk my G,
It's like you are still anoyed why.Anyway let's forge ahead.
Answer to your questions is as follows;

1,Actualy when they normally stop communicating with any client is when a victim get to know what is going on,i mean when he or she get to understand that he's dealing with fraudster's. Beside's some victims never believed that they are duped by this scamers,may be the format used first was not the one they have seen before,you understand me. They might use transfer first,secondly savings or come and buy etc.There are so many format. To make the scamers give up is when you stop communicating with them any longer,some of them will still be communicating even when you stop. They might be emailing you continuesly untill they are convinced that you are no longer intrested with what ever tansaction you may have with them.

2,Yes they do.Because some of the victims are so deficult to convince,i mean what i'm saying because i have seing with my eye's. You know greedy people are every where in the whole world,some of the scamers work for them selfs,those that feel they have known everything about this business.Like now,you see indian's they are very deficult to be tracted you know,may be is due to how they are brought up.But could you beleive me that this guy's go all the way from where they are to attend to indian people right there at there door post with something to show you that what they are saying is real,and they suceed.Men you need to withness what i am telling you,even you as youv'ed known a little about what is going on,theres some thing you will see now you get mad and fall to them immediatly.

3,There are a lot of women out there working with them. You know,when it comes to where the ladies will attend to any of their clients you must see women,i think you understand what i mean.

4,As many as they have.Because most of the scamers that are rich,they have different contact addreses,when they give Mr. A,an appointment by Monday 6 pm,They might Mr.B,an appointment by Tuesday by 10 am,,just like that.Even other scammers bring job's from another offices to other offices.You see some scammers may have up to twenty email boxes with different proposals and different name's as the case may be,it depends on individuals.If you want me to send some to you,no problems.

5,Yes Dirk,one among the best is late he is no body by name,Eze ego,which means,in their own dialets where he come from is; King of money.Ask any Nigerian man in your street there in America,not here in Nigeria because of the distance they will tell you about this King of money.He is from Anambra State in Igbo land. Then the present one now is, Fred Adjudua,he is the best for now other once are just tying to cope,although he is having some problems right now with the Federal Gorvernment of Nigeria,because of one German business man they duped since 1999,the matter is in Federal High court Abuja,if you want me to be sending to you everything about that i will,even the court proceedings no problems.

6,Yes Dirk my friend,you see we have local and international Guy men.Local guy men are those that can not read and write but they are very dangerous to international once,this people are very deadly,they come face to face to discuse business with you,they are even right there in your country,they are also here,because you first of all start from home before you get to outside.
Those internationals are people like this, Fred Adjudua, a recognised Lawyer here in Nigeria,i mean they are two numeriouse to mention. Getting started, you have to attach your self with one of the office through some one that you know two well,the person will now direct you on what to do,from there you learn,they tell you how to approuch some body etc.

Dirk,you ask question as if you want to join.If you are intrested on the job you let me know.

Thank's and hope to hear from you again.
Nyema!

From Dirk to Mohamed 10/6

Dear Nyema,

Good job on the answers. That is very interesting stuff. The readers will love it. I'm not annoyed at you. I love the fact that you write for us and was just frustrated that you wanted to quit. I swear that I'm not anoyed at all. I'm gathering the questions for the next email. It should be a couple of days. I'm glad to see that you and William are speaking again. I told you he gets so busy.

Good hearing from you my friend,

Dirk

From Mohamed to The Profanator 10/7

Dirk,

I have received your message all the same,i'm not annoyed too with you neither williams.

Then dirk,tell willy that he should send to me the hand phone he promised me last time that i'm am still waiting,if not that both of us will qurrell and i will discontinue doing business with you guy's.

Hoping to hear from you soon.

Nyema?

From Dirk to Mohamed 10/8

Nyema?,

We have no problem sending you a phone but from what I understand, it would be useless in your country. Please advise. If we send you a cell phone from the US, will it work in Africa?

Thanks

Dirk

From Mohamed to The Profanator 10/8

Dirk,

Send the phone it will work,i hope you understand what i mean,send me a mobile hand set,i prefere using Nokia phone you get me right.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Nyema.

From Mohamed to The Profanator 10/10

Dirk my friend,

There are some question i feel you would have asked me,but you never had such thought in your mind,anyway i will furnish you with it may be later right.

Thank's and remain bless,

Nyema?

N/B.How far have you thought abourt the mobile phone with Willy,i'm still especting your responce.Again,i'm so hungry with the second asignment,what is holding you guys or does it mean you don't have any to ask you let me know so that i can furnish you with some ideas i hope you get me,i'm working with you just to see if there's a way we can trash out this fraudsters if possible.


WORK IN PROGRESS
COME BACK SOON!


BACK TO HOMEPAGE


From Mohamed to The Profanator 7/15

Dear Williams,

Thank's for your mail you have just sent to me,it's now i came to understand that you people realy want me to work with you guys.  As per your request i will not delay to furnish you with the little
information i know about internet cafe right here.Yea,willy, you see i always go to cafe to do one or two things and go back home and relax,waite when God will get me a job of mine right, so i always see different faces i don't know what they are doing because every body mined his or her own business,except those i know that are scammers you understand what i mean.As i was saiying,some of them are browsing,chatting, watching movies,send mail to there well wishers etc!  Sometimes when you come in to an internet cafe,you will find it difficult to get a place to sit you know.Again,there are some internet cafe that sells snacks soft drinks etc people buy to step down there systems.  I hope to furnish you more in reciept of this mail.Pending what you will come up with?

Thank's.

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  Not only is this a great picture because it has Ron Jeremy and Samuel L. Jackson in it, it has Samuel as Jules from Pulp Fiction.  I LOVE IT!

Ebola Monkey Note:  OK, that's not even trying.  That's just being plan lazy.  Come on, get a real photo at least.  

EBOLA MONKEY NOTE:  In all seriousness, I might actually get one of these.  

Profanator Note: I have become fascinated with blowguns since I begun scambaiting. I also have tribal African robes. The Ebola Monkey Man and I are going to hook up and hold a blow gun contest. Imagine the fucking pictures!!!!!

Ebola Monkey Note:  I can always count on the Profanator to find that extra special picture.  God bless him.

PROFANATOR NOTE: The effort has exhausted me. Cheetara! Arms tired... legs
week... not--going--to make--it...

Liono! Give me your hand!

Ebola Monkey Note:  Yes!  YEEEEES!  This is history in the making people.  He has excepted our offer and completed his first assignment.  Thank the Profanator for this people.  Without him taking control of the situation and explaining our motivation to Mohamed it would have never happened.  

No one is to laugh at Mohamed from this point forward!

From Dirk to Mohamed 7/15

Dear Mohamed,

Thank you very much.  We are both excited to have you write for us.  I saw your first email and I thought it was great.

Thanks

Dirk

From Mohamed to The Profanator 7/16

Dear friend,

Compliment of the seasons.  Without wasting time, answers to your questions is as follows; In the cafe,as i told you last time,every body mined his or her own business,as per alcolic,notthing like that,they only sell soft drinks,like coca cola,ice cream,bugga,meat pies etc.  For games,they play vedio games,those who can play for me i don't no how to play.  Friend,i am not a gamler,anything game count me out.Infact i don't no how to play games such as cards etc.  For fun,i spirits,what i mean is that i takes alkohols such as beer,i like going to clubs you know,just because i have not gotten married for now.You see i told my friend Dirk some time that i hace a wife,but its a lie.How about you are you married,because for Dirk i know he might be a married man the way i see him. So, Mr.Williams,that of your blow gun, what do they do with it.  I think i can stop here so far till we meet again.My regards to your entire

family.
Thank's?