BACK TO HOMEPAGE

Since the beginning of the site, I've gotten some interesting emails from readers. Sometimes the emails make me laugh harder than the mugus who send in the sign pictures. Sometimes I reply to the mail and other times I just ignore it. For this section, the reader's mail will be in black and my reply, if there is one, will be in green. Please come back to this section as I'm sure it will grow.

NEW! 3/17/06

From: James Bosanquet <James.R.Bosanquet@uts.edu.au>
Date: Thu, 2 Feb 2006 23:54:38 +1100

Hi,

I initially read your website with some amusement, however your quotes, such as:

I'd like to thank every Nigerian Piece of Shit Scammer for participating. Especially you Peter. May you die of a venereal disease or get eaten by a lion. What ever you fuckers usually die from. Don?t give me that ?Americans have rapped Africa shit either. Oh, and save the Osama Bin Laddin bull shit too. If he is still alive, he?s not hanging around you stupid mother fuckers. Scammers are half retarded, and that?s the good half. Just shut the fuck up, get a real job, and take it like a man.


ultimately prove you to be a racist and misogynist. "What ever you fuckers usually die from". I think that phrase belongs with you forever. You are very clever wasting your time tagging along scam artists and then throwing this diatribe at them, As a reader, however, they come across as more nimble and eloquent than you will ever be.

It is sad that you will read this message and then pour shit on it with your clever, poncy, white-bread mediocre, middle-class attitude and never actually travel. You will never actually meet 'other' people, learn another language. You are really living in a prism. You use your site simply as an excuse to labour very boring stereotypes. Worst of all, at times you even acknowledge this! Your site is boring and you are are sadder than the characters you denigrate, Go on, be clever, say something sarcastic because you are ultimately too dull to do anything of any value! ("Oh, I'm alerting the world to scams"!) Grow up.

James Bosanquet

From Australia, where Nigerian scams netted $7 million last year. (No I wasn't a victim- of either them or you. Publish this letter in full or not at all.)

My Reply:

How does that make me a racist? Like only black people die over there? Hey retard, it's not just black people in Africa. And I'm the one who needs to travel? I've lived in more countries than you have brain cells.

You completely missed the whole point of the site. For someone who appoints himself superior, you really are fucking stupid. You took the time to read it and respond. At least I make money from the site. Jesus. You need to go the administration office of your school and demand a refund. Tell them that this is a factory for the retarded and you are not going to stand for it. Look what it's done to you.

Take in this letter, full or not at all.

Ebola Monkey Man


NEW! 2/24/06

Whom ever you are,I challenge you to learn one African language and let's see or hear how fluently, brilliantly or
proficiently u will be able to speak or use it. Point being that English language,as much as it is a world
language,remains the language of oppression and neocolonialism. So,it's no big deal when an African to whom English is an L2 makes a nasty meal of its usage. For as long as Europeans don't return all they stole from Africa-money,natural resources and objects of art-we will not stop baiting your likes with the objects of ur greed namely MONEY!Not all Nigerians are into all that but ofcourse being the shithead that u are,ur myopia will be a welcome obscurist to the larger picture as clearly showcased on channel REASON! I do not think you have access to that channel which is just as well.Africa will get even someday soon,by crook preferably,or hook!

kenny Christopher
kenchris@webmail.co.za

My Reply:

Dear Kenny,

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.

I challenge you to learn "Blah."

Blah Blah Blah,

Ebola Monkey Man


NEW! 2/24/06

HELLO MR MONKEY OR WHAT EVER YOU CALL YOUR SELF, LET ME MAKE IT CLEAR TO YOU THAT YOU ARE WASTING YOUR PRECIOUS TIME IN WHAT EVER MESSAGE YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH OUT TO PEOPLE WHO DOESNT EVEN CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING.LET ME SAVE YOU ENOUGH TIME SO THAT YOU WONT GO READING TILL YOU GET TIRED.THEY ARE MEN OF HONOUR WHO CAME OUT TO AVENGE ALL THAT EVIL DEEDS OF THE WEST.WHEN YOU,THE WHITE FOOLS WHERE BUSY EXPLOITIN AFRICA,DO YOU THINK THAT WE WILL REAMAIN SO? MAYBE,THE MONKEYS IN THE BUSH WHOM DOES NOT HAVE THE SENSE TO CREATE OR FORSEE.LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU DONT KNOW,WE VALUE LIFE SO MUCH THAT IS WHY WE DONT INDULGE IN THE WICKED WAYS OF THE ARABS OF SUICIDE BOMBING.WE HAVE A POLITE WAY OF BRINING BACK ALL THE MONEY STOLEN BY YOUR SO CALLED RULERS OF THE WORLD,YOUR GOVERNMEN.DO YOU KNOW THAT,NIGERIA YOU OPEN YOUR DIRTY MOUTH TO TALK ABOUT WITH OUT SHOWING A LITTLE RESPECT TO ,IS CAPABLE OF FEEDING THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD WITH THEIR RESOURCES IF NOT BECAUSE YOU ,THE WEST CAME DOWN HERE AND REAP US OF THROUGH OUR GOVERNEMENT.TODAY MILLIONS OF NIGERIANS ARE SUFFERING BECAUSE OF BILLIONS OF DOLLERS YOU PEOPLE STOLE FROM OUR TRESURY YE, YOU HAVE THE GOT TO OPEN A SENSELESS WEBSITE TO TALK ABOUT US.GOD SAVE YOUR COUNTRY IF SOME ONE LIKE ME GO INTO THE GOVERNMENT TO LEAD,I WILL LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE EATING TODAY BECAUSE NIGERIA IS CONTRIBUTING SO MUCH IN YOU ECONOMY WHICH YOU BOAST ABOUT.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU DONT KNOW,YOUR WEB SITE CAN ONLY CONTRIBUTE LITTLE.AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION,YOU ARE MAKING PEOPLE KNOW THAT THERES MONEY IN THE INTERNET. GOD BLESS BILL GATE FOR BRINING OUT A WAY TO DEAL WITH GREEDY PEOPLE OF THE WHITE WEST. I WILL LIKE TO READ YOUR REPLY IF YOU WILL HAVE THE COURAGE TO WRITE TO ME. YOUR OPPOSER.

angel angel
angelifunanya@yahoo.co.in

My Reply:

Mr. Monkey will do.

I think you misunderstood my site. I'm on your side. Listen, I'm all about stealing from innocent people that have never done anything to Africans. Nothing better than being a big pile of Elephant shit instead of having a soul. You don't think I would want a America to be a place full of disease and GENOCIDE if I had it my way. Americans are savages. They won't even hack up small children with machetes. Is that crazy or what? I mean, if you can't arm 9 year olds with AK-47's, then what's the point?

Bro, it sucks here. Trust me. I wake up, go to my job where I actually work for my money, and don't have to worry about being killed. Plus, every single person I've me in my 30 years of existence lies about all the money they took from Africa. Can you believe the nerve of these people. They all claim that they have "never even been to Africa so how are they to blame." LIARS.

This will make you even more disgusted. There's no WARLOARDS here. Can you believe that we let our government make decisions? We both know that having a crazed maniac who is obsessed with guns and destroying anyone who opposes him is the most logical leader. HELLLLLOOOOOO.

Thank god there are people like you out there. You make my Shitzu, Lou Dog, look like a rocket scientist.

MY BALLS, YOUR CHIN!

Ebola Monkey Man


First of all, I have a bone to pick with your website. Why would you use a monkey to get your point across? Do you really have to use an innocent animal? That is f--ed up, using non-humans for your website. All it is is bitching about stupid money and bank stuff, do you even know anything about monkeys? I have been working with monkeys for 4 years, and I really think that you have underestimated them on your web page. I don't mean to sound mean, but monkeys can't talk, and I feel compelled to speak for them. So I guess what I'm saying is please don't use these smart and beautiful animals as a mockery of people whom you are against, I don't really think it is fair. Monkeys are individuals, just like you and they deserve respect. I am not even going to go into the ebola issue with you. I am a virologist and probably know much more than you wish you did about this virus.

Allison

My Reply:

Allison,

I love it. This is a first. I've never been yelled at for something like this. I can assure you, no Monkeys were hurt during the making of this website.

You see, I was raised by a pack of Ebola Monkeys. Therefore, they have a special place in my heart. Once every year I take a trip back to the mother land and live for a week amongst my family, the Ebola Monkeys. We like to do things like shoot dice, play spades, swing from trees, and bite humans. It's the best. So let me apologize for the misunderstanding. I would never
do anything to disrespect my fellow Monkey. As a matter of fact, my goal is to be the voice of the Ebola Monkey before its all said and done. Please come back to the site and give me and the rest of the monkeys your support. Maybe even buy yourself a shirt. I promise me and the rest of the Ebola Monkeys will not, I repeat, NOT spend it on alcohol.

Love you,

Ebola Monkey Man

PS - You're a virologist! That's great. I once got a gold star in a spelling bee.


Dear Ebolamonkeyman,

In principle, I like your initiative to scam the scammers very much. As a matter of fact, and as I've told you before, I'm involved in this type of activity too. However, you claim on your url:

"We at ebolamonkeyman.com are not racist nor do we have any associations with racist people of any sex or persuasion."

while on your site there is content like this:

"Ask yourself this: why would a porn star chick even be answering emails from a strange Nigerian? OK, now if you think it could happen, you might be Nigerian."

Which in my book is definitely a racist-type generalisation.

I will therefore refrain from submitting my work to your page.

Yours sincerely,

S.

MY REPLY:

Dear SHIT FOR BRAINS (I'm assuming that's what the S. stands for),

You must be the type of person that watches a movie and thinks the actor playing the character is really that person.

I'm glad you will be keeping your lame ass work to yourself. I never asked you to submit your work anyways so everything is all good.

If you change your mind, your Monkey Pox name will be "My Mother Should Have Aborted Me." Let me know if this is OK.

Ebola Monkey Man


THIS INTERACTION IS NOT COMPLETE. I CAN'T FIND THE EMAILS THAT GO BEFORE THIS. IF I DO, I WILL POST THEM. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THIS GUY AND I CAME TO AN UNDERSTANDING.

Are you sure? I got the role playing aspect, I read the "white trash" character (which I thought you played a little too subtly). But are you sure you are comfortable with your statement "the whole point of the site is to make the scammer furious..."? Cuz there is a bigger game afoot, and that is stringing the scammer along, wasting his time so that he has less opportunity too scam others, exposing and humiliating him for fun and profit, and setting up a database that identifies these assholes. This is the work of superheroes. Inciting these bastards to grief and fury is more the frosting on the cake, wouldn't you say?

More important, why do you refuse to use my code name? I am gaycancersodomite. Get it? How fags should be condemned for fagginess itself, and should get aids from their ass-fucking? Is this side-splitting? Will it make the fags furious? I bet you have to agree that it simply makes me sound like a blunted fucking child. Admit it.

MY REPLY:

I actually laughed when you called yourself that. I was raised by a single neurotic woman and about 6 of her gay friends in the heart of San Francisco. They actually taught me to be a man. They would have even laughed at what you call yourself because each one of them had the most amazing sense of humor. Four of them are gone from AIDS. Dude, if I knew you and I felt you really believed that, I'd carve you up like a butcher. I know you don't so you can say anything you want. So go ahead, make fun of however you want. As long as by the end of the day, if a person of any race, religion, or lifestyle is drowning and you are willing to jump in and save them, you are alright with me. I judge people on actions, not words. If I judged strictly on words, I'd have no friends or family. They've all said something stupid at one point or another.

I know you think I'm some kid but you are way off. Like I said before, it's easy to make a judgment call when you don't know the person. That's why I judge people on how they treat people, not the stupid shit that flies out of their mouth. I've seen people with big hearts hide behind harsh language. I have friends who hate homeless people who come up to them and beg for change but will be the first ones down at the shelter donating clothing and passing out soup. So don't tell me shit about the evils of the world and building blocks. You have no idea where I've been, what I'm about, and how I am as a person. You just sit back and judge, like a racist would. Sorry about being so blunt about it but I feel I owe it to you. I hope to God you are writing these scammers about robbing people because somewhere in the debate, you forgot who the bad guy is. Remember what I said, "We can co-exist and have different opinions."

Ebola Monkey Man


DAMN IT. MY COVER HAS BEEN BLOWN!

Dear Ebola monkey man,

I'd like to make a few comments on your website.

I first went on the site after recieving a 419 email and googled some of the text. I found it really interesting the way you have managed to reveal the nature and motivation of the people who write these emails, something that is a complete mystery to most people. was a complete mystery to me.

However as i browsed it became ever more clear to me that you are a fundamentally racist person. That in itself is not so offensive, there are plenty of racists out there. But the fact that you refuse to admit it is worrying. And the claim that you are "playing the role" of a racist is simply something you hide behind.

Two things are clear. You obviously have an obsession with these nigerian fraudsters, and your homophobic as well. As a professional psychotherapist I would conclude that you have a particular, although deeply repressed, sexual attraction to black men.

The first step is admitting that this is the case. Then perhaps you can move on in your life - It'd make my day to see you happily in a relationship with a nice Nigerian man.

Best wishes

MY REPLY:

Damn you! You caught me. All along I thought I could hide behind this site. As a racist homophobic who is, ummmm, sexually attracted to black men, I find myself frequently confused. Although I must admit, since you made me realize who I am, I've had some sense of release.

Now that I can talk honestly without shame, who do you recommend to be my Nigerian lover.

It's Raining Men or Ivannastiff Kockupmianus?

I hate both of them with a passion but am strangely attracted to them.

You my friend, are obviously the best professional psychotherapist I've ever come across. They way you pin pointed me, a complete stranger, is amazing. Hopefully there are more racist homphobes who want to date young Nigerian men. Do you know if there are support groups for this? Being that you are clueless, errrrrr, genius in your own mind.

Thanks for the laughs,

Ebola Monkey Man


WARNING: YOU WILL FEEL LIKE FLUSHING THE TOLIET OVER AND OVER AGAIN WHILE WATCHING THE WATER SWIRL AFTER READING THIS ONE.

hi
ebola such a nice one from you
but i tell you you are either a stupid "akata" search for the meaning
or a foolish unfunny nigerian lost in the states
it's a bad idea scamming though
but you foolish racist, generalizing the shit with nigerians only
i know there are lots of them but there are also lots in united states
at least i've been here a while trying to complete my phd and moving back to my
GOD'S LOVED COUNTRY
you know what pains me the most
i am damn sure you are one of those black americans that look down on your fellow black
had a lot of experience already
my first school was a predominantly black school in houston
i only used a semester
you guys suck
and i will like you to realize something straight
nigerians have root in their country and have no limitation
you are here in the states because your grandfather was busy
cleaning up one whit man's barn
they bought your grandfather in exchange for a 2" by 2" inch mirror
sorry you are just a generation of slaves in the states
you better find the way out before you die a slave too
sorry for that though
because i know too well
no reasonable american will waste his time on junks like you're doing
guess you've just been lied off
and you are trying to make money by selling shirts and cups
well find something better to do with your unproductive time
you can not turn BILL GATE by stylishly begging for money
O J baba

MY REPLY:

You sir, are half retarded, and that is the good half. You are wrong about everything you say. Not a surprise though. Listen man, I'm going to give you some "free" advice." Cut your vocal cords out and break all your fingers off. That way, you won't be able to say or write anything stupid. You are an embarrassment to all Africans.

"no reasonable american will waste his time on junks like you're doing guess you've just been lied off and you are trying to make money by selling shirts and cups well find something better to do with your unproductive time you can not turn BILL GATE by stylishly begging for money"

RIIIIIIIGHT. So I guess it is better to steal it like the people from the "GODS LOVED COUNTRY." If it is so great there and so bad here, GET OUT retard. Oh that's right, you're retarded, you don't get it.

Save the lies about getting your PHD. You have to be able to complete a sentence and spell to get a PHD. Trust me, I smell my own.

Ebola Monkey Man

HIS SECOND EMAIL:

i forgot to tell you
are you now into gun selling
thats why you guys will always be the
thugs america is trying to cope with
uncultured fool

MY REPLY:

Retard, you are making my point even stronger. STOP doing this to yourself.

I've got more culture in my middle finger than you will ever have. Just because you got to ride on a plane from Africa to Houston, TX does not make you cultured.

Go put your helmet on and run along. The helmet with the pretty butterfly and unicorn stickers.


THIS ONE IS FROM THE DUMBEST MOTHER FUCKER FROM THE ISLANDS MAN! I ASKED MY FRIEND WHO IS ORIGINALLY FROM THE ISLANDS IF THIS IS HOW THEY TALK DOWN THERE AND HE JUST LAUGHED. HE SAID THERE IS NO WAY THIS GUY IS FROM THE ISLANDS BECAUSE REAL MEN DON'T HAVE SEX WITH DOGS. OBVIOUSLY, THERE IS ONE MAN AND HIS NAME IS JOHN NOSI.

YES I AM BLACK. NO NOT NIGERIAN. I AM FROM THE ISLANDS MAN. YOU SEEM TO HAVE A NAPOLEON COMPLEX. LITTLE DICK AND PISSED OFF AT THE WORLD. MAYBE YOU WOULD LIKE ME
TO FUCK YOUR WIFE WHILE YOU WATCHED. THEN YOU CAN WIPE MY CUM OFF HER FACE WITH YOUR MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE!!! YOUR DOG CAN TOSS MY SALAD. MAY BE YOU WOULD THEN FIND HAPPINESS. I'M SURE YOUR DOG BUKKAKI WOULD LOVE IT. YOUR WIFE WOULD SMILE FINALLY
GETTING FUCKED BY A REAL MAN. NOTE TO MONKEY MAN. ONE QUESTION TELLS IT ALL ABOUT A
MAN. SHOT CALLER? OR A BIG BALLER? LET ME KNOW. I MAY RECOMMEND YOU FOR THE NAACP MAN OF THE YEAR. FUCK NO TINY TIM.

LET ME KNOW

john nosi

NOTE: He signed his name Vince Braun but his real name was in the section on hotmail that has the From : john nosi <caribfun2001@yahoo.com>. What a fucking idiot!

MY REPLY:

"SHOT CALLER? OR A BIG BALLER?" - Been listening to the Whoridas lately?

Get an original thought man. Seriously. The people from the Islands would be embarrassed and I'm sure they are going to be worried when they see that their village idiot is missing.

Speaking of questions......Why is it that only good people from the islands die in the hurricanes? They never kill retards like you.

Oh well, I guess we can keep our fingers crossed.

Ebola Monkey Man

PS - You can fuck my dog anytime. He's more your speed. You two would make a great couple because he obeys commands you big goofy shot caller/big baller.


FROM THE SMALL BRAIN OF THE EVER-SO ANNOYING PERSE LE RETARD PONCE DE LA UNICORN STICKER HELMET. THIS IDIOT ACCUSES ME OF ATTACKING OPENLY GAY PEOPLE, EVEN THOUGH I'VE NEVER DONE THAT ON MY SITE ONCE. MAYBE HE SHOULD LEARN TO READ BEFORE HE OPENS HIS MOUTH. NO, FORGET THAT, THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE. HE SHOULD JUST CONTINUE TO EXPRESS HIMSELF SO WE CAN ALL LAUGH AT HIM.

Hi man,

Just wanted to let you know that the psychiatrist who diagnosed you as a repressed homosexual with a special fetish for black guys is right. After all, it's a well-known fact that homophobes are almost always themselves homosexuals in denial. Their attacks against openly gay individuals are simply their way of avoiding having to deal with feelings they experience as threatening to their self-image. Another characteristic that is typical of the gay homophobe is an inability to discuss anything related to homosexuality in a rational way. When approached by a homosexual person (or a straight person wanting to discuss homosexual issues) instead of engaging in a rational discussion he will lash out with invective and profanity. All of the above applies to you.

You need to do some serious introspection. It's a shame you're probable incapable of it. Think back to the time you first became aware of Nigerian scams. Or the time you yourself received your first Nigerian scam e-mail. Why did you start your obsessive crusade against Nigerian scammers, instead of simply deleting the mail and moving on with your life, like 99.99% of humanity does? Be honest to yourself. Did you imagine a young Nigerian dude at his computer writing the mail, maybe without a shirt on, because of the tropical heat in Nigeria?

Here's some advice: drop a few tablets of E and then go to your local gay nightclub -- the one that's most popular with the black gay guys in your area. The E will lower your inhibitions and allow you to get into situations you are currently unable to get into, despite your obvious desire to do so. To avoid any unpleasant side effects of the E, make sure to drink a lot of water and don't drink too much alcohol.

Just to prove that I am your friend, I'll save you the trouble of writing a commentary to this e-mail for your website. I'll write it myself. It goes like this:

"your such a faggot LOL you faggot shit fuck suck dick fag you faggot motherfuck you you motherfucking motherfucker suck my cock faggot take that shit back or i?ll fuck you in the ass faggot"

Sincerely yours;

Persé St. Vitus

MY REPLY:

Hi Perse,

Yeah dude, you got me. I took a better look at myself last night after I took a couple of hits of E and went over to see Jonathan Peters spin at my local gay club.

You are obviously one of those people that is so insecure that you have to try to feel intellectually superior to others. It's not working. Read the whole site before opening your mouth. Yeah, the whole thing. Not just one piece.

>"your such a faggot LOL you faggot shit fuck suck dick fag you faggot
> motherfuck you you motherfucking motherfucker suck my cock faggot take that
> shit back or i?ll fuck you in the ass faggot"

All you did here was embarrass yourself. Who talks like that?

"Did you imagine a young Nigerian dude at his computer
> writing the mail, maybe without a shirt on, because of the tropical heat in
> Nigeria?"

All this does is show how fucking stupid you are. You need to wire your jaw shut and do some research. Then again, you're not the smartest guy on the planet so just blurting something out is all that I expect from you.

Also, get over the fact that your gay. It doesn't make you special. You are just like everyone else. Just because you got treated like shit in the small town you are probably from, doesn't mean everyone else has the same views of everyone else you grew up around. I could care less what a person does or is, as long as he is not try to take money that is not his (NIGERIAN
419 SCAM).

One last thing: Change your fucking name. Persé St. Vitus is so fucking pretentious.

Let me help you out with that. Ummmmmm, lets see. How about Perse Le Retard Ponce de La Unicorn Sticker Helmet. I think it's more fitting.

Take care,

Ebola Monkey Man

HIS SECOND EMAIL:

Hello again;

And thank you for the swift reply. Although to be completely honest, I wouldn't have minded waiting a bit longer for you to get yout thoughts together a bit better. As things stand, I feel I have to set a couple of things straight.

First of all, I'll disregard your request for me to wire my jaw shut, since even if I did do it, I doubt that it would make you happy. Because afer all, I'm not typing this with my jaw now am I?

Also, I have to admit that I was a little offended to be told that my name is pretentious - by someone who calls himself "The Ebola Monkey Man", no less. St. Vitus IS my name. Most of my ancestors were Austro-Hungarian aristocracts, and their name was changed into the present form by some semi-literate Staten Island immigration official.

Incidentally, I'm not the one who has to come to terms with being gay (which I'm not). Like I pointed out before, the way I see it is that it's you who has to engage in some introspection.

One final thing: I'm so sorry to hear that your "relationship" with that nice Nigerian fellow Muhammed has ended. I hope you can get another relationship going as soon as possible.

Regards;

Persé St. Vitus

MY REPLY:

Dear Perse Le Retard Ponce de La Unicorn Sticker Helmet,

Wiring your jaw shut would be a great start though. At least you couldn't say anything stupid. When you are done with that, you can cut your hands off with a bone saw. That would take care of the stupid shit that you type. See Perse Le Retard Ponce de La Unicorn Sticker Helmet, I'm a problem solver.

You go around and accuse people of being gay, but you say you are not gay. Now tell me you aren't retarded. I think you need to look inside yourself. I've never met a gay or straight person that felt compelled to write someone that they don't know personally, like a retard (that's just a side note), and say "hey, you are gay, you just don't know it." At least I have written proof that you are stupid (see your last two emails). You've never even met me. Ebola Monkey Man is a character you stupid fuck. Even if I was gay, who cares. As long as I'm not an idiot (like you) or a criminal (like the Nigerian 419 Criminals), I'm doing fine. My Gay friends and family members are everything that you aren't bitch boy.

Perse Le Retard Ponce de La Unicorn Sticker Helmet, I'm going to level with you. I think it's best you leave the country. We have too many stupid people in this country as is and all we try to do is protect them, instead of exposing them. We are at capacity.

Oh, and another thing. That semi-literate Staten Island immigration official probably has more class than you ever will in your little pinky finger. I also would love to see you say that to his face. Computers make you feel brave, so it's easy for you to judge.

Ebola Monkey Man

PS - Muhammed was/is a criminal that had an opportunity to make some honest money. He got greedy and blew it. I gave him that opportunity jerk-off.


OUT OF ALL THE HATE MAIL, I BELIEVE THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN BY THE DUMBEST MOTHER FUCKER ON THE PLANET. NORMALLY, I'D LET MY 7 YEAR OLD COUSIN REPLY BECAUSE HE CAN PUT TOGTHER A BETTER ARGUMENT THAN THIS PERSON. I DECIDED TO RESPOND AS IF THE MAIL WAS RETURNED BY THE SERVER'S ADMINSTRATOR.

Emotionally Mangled Monkey:

Your site is sometimes funny, but I wonder if you are really too proud of your ability to outsmart these Nigerian scammers. Let me tell you, outsmarting these scammers is not hard. They work from scripts, don’t know your language very well, and so tend to disregard your taunts, insults, and inside jokes, because they simply do not understand them, though it makes them seem stupid to you.

Actually, these guys remind me of he-goats. They have a one-track mind, and once they have done the dirty deed, they are confused, hide out of the rain, act confused and useless: a useless life-support system for a penis. We women are the masterminds! Who do you think gets all their money?

And you are not so smart yourself, wasting time on titty dancers and Paris Hilton! Who is also just thinking with the little head? No be so? Na So!

You, my friend, are a MOTHER FUCKER, FATHER FUCKER, SISTER FUCKER, BROTHER FUCKER, TITTY FUCKER. ARM PIT FUCKER, HAIRY ARM PIT FUCKER, SMELLY ARM PIT FUCKER.

Mother board, Father Board, Sister Board, IO Board., USB board.
IB BORE, UB BORED, WE ALL B BORED watching You Jig, You Mother Fucker.

Look down on your useless tool, you mother fucker. You will need a mirror, you fat mother fucker! Maybe you can function-test your tool in the titty bars, but I doubt if it holds up under actual down-hole temperatures and pressures. Can you manage one complete round? Can you manage three girls, skid the rig, and do batch-drilling?

All you Americans are fat and greedy. You use all the oil to support your fat lifestyle and pollute the air! You vote a bushman to be your president! And why you call his house de white house?

You Americans should apply for CARBON TAX CREDITS to subsidize your fat ways. All the American people are a CARBON RESERVE, like the Amazon Rain Forest! Can you imagine all you fat Americans huffing and puffing yourselves back into shape, and releasing TONS of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, causing further global warming!

Get a life, mumu! And once you get one, I can ressurect you!


Now Wow!

Sincerely yours, and covered in the blood of Jesus,

Chaawpmee Towtow

MY REPLY:

SUBJECT: Returned mail: Mumu

The original message was received at Sat, 16 Oct 2004 10:10:42 -0400 (EDT)

*** ATTENTION ***

Your e-mail is being returned to you because you are retarded. The address which was undeliverable is listed in the section labeled: "----- Does not except emails from idiots who try to compose simple thoughts and get nowhere -----".

The reason your mail is being returned to you is listed in the section labeled: "----- Transcript of Session Follows -----".

The line beginning with "Your site is sometimes funny" describes the specific reason your e-mail could
not be delivered. Obviously you are one of the dumbest mother fuckers on the planet. The rest of the email is just plain boring and you are too easy to make fun of.

Please direct further questions regarding this message to your wall, as inanimate objects and pigeons that land on you if you stand still for more than five minutes are probably the only things that will listen to you.

Please refrain from emailing anyone from this date forward as you will only embarrass yourself further.

Ebola Monkey Man


THIS SCAMMER WAS BEING BAITED BY ONE OF THE MONKEY POX AND HE CAUGHT ON TO THE PRANK. HE ACTUALLY MENTIONED MY SITE BEFORE THE SCAM BAITER COULD TELL HIM HE WAS BEING PLAYED. EVEN THOUGH HE KNOWS THAT HIS POTENTIAL VICTIM IS ON TO THE SCAM, HE STILL PRETENDS THAT THE DEAL IS LEGIT. I DECIDED TO WRITE HIM MONKEY MAN STYLE.

Prince Ambrose Eric <prince_ambrose_eric@fastermail.com> wrote:

Dear Phil McCavity,

I couldn't reply your email in due time because i was not in. In fact i went over to the western union office of a bank branch here to ask them what this whole deal was about. As i have explained to you, i have told you what i know about the 419 thing. I have also sent you a copy of my international passport as proof and still you do don't believe me so i was forced to go to
the office where i was seated and a few things were explained to me. I had to tell them that an associate of mine was planning to send me some money for a financial acruement here. I was shocked at the explanation they gave me. In fact i believe you weren't as shocked as i am. I consider our doing business together a priviledge because what i heard with my own ears was
devastating. They told me details about the 419 thing and i realised it wasn't what i envisaged at all. In fact they gave me a website which i would like you to check out. http://www.ebolamonkeyman.com.

I want you to take a good look at that website. I was perplexed. I didn't believe that was happening. People were actually impersonating people for the mere course of extracting money from them. And then it hit me. In the same vain, i believe the western union office over there must have given you that idea of using that picture thing. Now, i am a top official of a
prestigious company and a well respected man in the society. If word of this got out, i would lose my job, face penalties unbelievable and lose my family in the process.

If you go through the site well, there is a link http://ebolamonkeyman.com/About_The_Monkey.html thats shows that the monkey man and author of this whole thing is indeed a white man. That means he is spoiling the image of my country to satisfy his pleasurable desires. I have asked for nothing but your cooperation and like i said, if i wasn't in need of your help financially to secure the tax clearance certificate and get the fund transferred, i wouldn't have asked you for money.

MY REPLY:

Dear Prince Ambrose Eric AKA (PRINCE OF THE RETARDS, LORD OF THE FAIRIES),

This email was forwarded to me. Apparently, the good people at Western Union told you about me. Wow, you are a massive tool. I mean a giant one. You should feel like a GIANT DOUCHE asshole.

I want to ask you something. When you wrote "the monkey man and author of this whole thing is indeed a white man. That means he is spoiling the image of my country to satisfy his pleasurable desire," you were on crack, right? Honestly, don't you think it's thieves like you that are spoiling the image of your country. If I were a hard working Nigerian, sitting next to you in
the internet cafe, I'd break my keyboard over your head. I wouldn't be able to help myself.

If you had any dignity, you'd kill yourself for contributing to the horrible reputation Nigerians get because of retards like you. I read your scamming technique and it's one of the worst approaches I've ever seen. You can't be good at what you do. So I don't see the point of you staying on this earth. Just do it man. You'll be able to die saying "I actually did a good thing."

Let me know if you agree.

Ebola Monkey Man


HERE'S ANOTHER ONE THAT WILL LEAVE YOU SHAKING YOUR HEAD. SHE IS THE TYPE OF PERSON THAT MAKES YOU TURN AWAY FROM THE RELIGION CONCEPT.

4/23/05 From Kathy <ksepannen@gmail.com>:

I guess you think what you are doing is funny and probably in some pathetic way you think you are doing good. But mostly what you are doing is wasting your time and the time of people who read your sight. Really Monkey Man why do you have to call anyone who you please a retard? What have these mentally challenged people ever done to you? It isn't right you know, I believe it shows that you are only interested in making fun of people. Right? If you put half as much effort into other things you could probably amount to something in the world? Right? Well I'm just really sorry for you, It's really sad that the best we can do with the internets we have is use them to make fun of people that are just in bad situtions and trying to get buy.

Kathy

MY REPLY:

Hi Kathy,

I read your email and I thought about. You're retarded! Now go buy a shirt retard and support the monkey.

RETARD'S SECOND REPLY:

To You who ever you are. How very sad. You probably don't know it but my son is mentally chellanged. Yes what you in your sad way call retarded. But you see you don't know him one little bit. He is a remarkable little man.

I've read all the things youve done on your sight and I just don't understand what a smart man like you is doing wasting their time torturing poor people in Africa. You know if you tried you could probably wrtite a great novel or maybe a movie, maybe do work on a TV show. You have a lot of inteligence. More than most. Why squander it of such a sad way. I'm going to pray about you tonight, maybe the good lord can give us both some answers.

By the way some of your pictures are dirty and show disrepect for women. Maybe I should report you for them.

I also see you are making fun of L. Ron .Hubbard. You poor pathetic worm Now i know you are evel, I won't write you any more. I will pray over it and let you know.

Kathy

MY REPLY:

The retard I am referring to is not your son. He's what I consider " mentally handicapped." You are retarded, meaning just plain fucking stupid. I know, in my heart of hearts, that your son comprehends things better than you. Nobody calls people "retarded" anymore and refers to mentally handicapped people. Look in the mirror. That's who we are talking about. It's 2005 lady.

They are not poor Africans you tool! They are theives. GET A CLUE.

RETARDED CREEPY RELIGIOUS LADY'S SECOND REPLY:

You may call me anything you wish you rotten bastard but I'm not going to let you hurt me. I'm turning youe sight into the American Family Association. Let them deal with you. I know satin is moving in you and I want nothing more to do with you.

Kathy

MY REPLY:

Oh, please don't. I'm really scared now.

Turn me in to anyone you want dumb ass. You can't have someones website shut down off a complaint you retard. Stop wasting time and do something with your life instead of bothering people. You need to get a life! Seriously, you are a total loser.

PS - You can also add liar to your description. You said you weren't going to contact me anymore and you did. I love that I can get under your skin!

RETARDED CREEPY RELIGIOUS LADY'S THIRD REPLY:

Mr. Smith

You are not under my skin. I should just ignore you, why did you write me in the first place? I am A married Christian woman. I just think what you are doing with the internets is wrong and so much less than what you could acomplish if you turned from wickedness and embraced the Lord. I would be glad to witness for you.

Kathy

MY REPLY:

Lady, you wrote me. I never contacted you.

You are crazy. First off, you are exactly the type of person that ruins religion for everyone. Good concept that gets fucked up by people like you. Secondly, if there was a God, I'm sure he wouldn't want you reading sites like mine and opening your trap. Think about it. He'd probably be like "crazy lady, stop saying my name, stop hanging out in front of abortion clinics and throwing tomatos, stop bothering that Ebola Monkey Man guy, stop preaching, stop talking to imaginary people in the sky, stop criticizing, stop judging, etc.... this list could go on forever."

You have some nerve lady. You'll write me to stop exposing scammers but you won't call them on destroying peoples lives by stealing. Now who's the fucked up one?

Ebola Monkey Man

P S - My site has accomplished a lot lady. It's made nationwide headlines, plus prevented hundreds from falling for the scams. I've earned high praise from reporters, police officers, authors, and everyday regular people with lives. I get emails everyday thanking me for what the site has done.

So what have you done? Don't answer that........NOTHING.

RETARDED CREEPY RELIGIOUS LADY'S FOURTH REPLY:

Mr Smith

Do your parents know what you are bup too? Does your Pastor? I doubt it.

You know that just because yo have gotten a little notice from newpapers doesn't meen you are spending your time well.

I'm not going to argue about the LOrd with you, in my heart I know he exists and I'm praying that you let him into yours. Otherwise it's going to be Hell for you.

I have done things, how do yuou know what I've done and haven't done. Last year I organized the Ladies Auxilary spring flower show. And I'm corresponding sercrtary of the Daughters of The Texas Republic. I have raised three lovely children and kept my man very happy.

What have you done?

Kathy

MY REPLY:

"corresponding sercrtary of the Daughters of The Texas Republic"

You must be joking. You spelled "secretary" wrong you idiot. Wow, the Daughters of The Texas Republic hires retards. Good for them. Seriously, I would have respected you more if you would have said you one your third grade finger painting contest.

So.....you basically haven't done shit with your life except have babies. Anyone can have a baby stupid. You just spread your legs. Trust me, having babies doesn't mean you've accomplished shit. All it means is you've created more of your gene pool, which is scary as hell. Hopefully they'll get your husbands brains. On second thought, that might not be such a good idea. After all, he slept with you. Unless he has beer permanent beer goggles, he can't be that smart. Then again, I'd have to drink too if I had to listen to you for more than 15 seconds at a time.

My head hurts from reading your email. I'm going to go now. Go watch NASCAR, eat a Twinkie, get caught in a tornado, go get your broth.......errrrr......husband another beer, take some oxycotton. Whatever it is that people like you do.

RETARDED CREEPY RELIGIOUS LADY'S FIFTH (YAWN) REPLY:

Mr Ebola

How are you today? Are you still up to your wicked ways? I prayed for you Sunday and every night my little Timmy says prayers for you you.

MY REPLY:

Hi Kathy

I'm good. Still up to my wicked ways. Exploiting thieves who ruin people's lives. You know how it goes.

Anyways, I talked to Satan today and he told me to say hi. Tell TIM-MAY!!! Timmmmmmmaaay! not to waste his time praying for me and do something useful like help out at a homeless shelter. That goes for you too douche.


HERE'S A COUPLE RANDOM SHORT ONES:

"This is not only ugly, but unfunny."

"Homophobic slurs and calling someone a "Mugu motherfucker" are pretty weak comedy material."

"You are a fucking shit head."

"I have never felt like I've wasted more time in my life. You are not funny."

"As somebody who's deleted scores of these scam e-mails, you made me laugh with some of this and I admire your dedication to the cause. But after a while the relentless racism got to me. Not to mention the misplaced elitism. You're not that great, mate. Eventually I stopped laughing."

"You suck!"

"I hope you die at the hands of a scammer."

"YOU NO SET UP WEBSITE GIVING INFORMATION ABOUT OUR OPERATIONS AWAY, ALL
OPERATIONS ARE STRICLTLY CONFIDENTIAL. IT IS IN BREACH OF NIGERIAN CRIMINAL CODE
ACT THAT YOU RUN WEBSITE DEFAMATION OF NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT. REMOVE WEBSITE, OR
YOU BE KILLED." (This person managed to have this email sent from administrator@nigeriangovernment.org)

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