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THE ORIGINAL MESSAGE:

DEAR MR Bruce Forsyth
Its my pleasure communicating you through this medium after several attempts on your other lines failed.Can you be kind to call me on line xxxxxxxxxxx(Nigeria) ,xxxxxxxxxxx(Benin Republic) or via this mail box if this letter is received.
It's urgent please.all bills incurred shall be settled.I shall be in office within the hours 0.800 to 20.00hours daily.

Regards and stay bless.

AMB.BACHIR ISIAKA.
(Fairly original approach, as far as they go...)

From Bruce to Bachir

Dear Mr. Isiaka,

I am sorry you have not been able to reach me by telephone but I have been out of the country on business for the last week. Please let me know what this is in relation to.

It is best to stay in touch with me by email rather than telephone, as I am frequently away on business.

Best regards,

Bruce Forsyth
CEO, Butt-Plugg Investments Ltd.

From Bachir to Bruce

Dear Mr Bruce Forsyth
Compliment of the season to you and the entire family. Thanks for the response dated today 5/11/2003.
I am Bachir Siaka from Zango district of sierra Leone. A cousin to the former president Siaka Stevens of blessed memory .I was an under secretary in the ministry of finance and Mineral matters during the short regime of Major Jonny Koromah the military head of state who ousted the incubent president of sierra Leone.(Tejan Kabbah ) before the intervention of Ecomog Soldiers who help to regain the goverment.
My duties as an under secretary then was keeping records and account of monies earned on the country's mineral resources in foreign currencies and transfering same into the country's Apex bank (special account) from where they are suppose to be used forsome long term investment project to boost the economic situation of the country and Koromah's political ambition.
This dream were not accomplished before Koromah government was terminated. To confide in you sir i was able to make some money amounting to $15 millions USD (Fifteen million United state dollars)in clean crisp cash notes in the course of my
dealing with the government which i intend to invest in any part of Europe or America.
Base on this notion i decided to reach you so that you can assist me to transfer the fund to any reliable bank in any part of Europe or America for a viable investment base on your advice as the CEO of a reputable company .
I have proposed a sharing formula for the smooth take off of the deal which shall be made availiable to you immediately your acceptance. The fund is presently been deposited in the vault of a reputable security Company in Cotonou B/R. in cash for safe-keeping.The same Company assisted in moving the fund from Sierra-leone to Cotonou diplomatically.

As soon as my proposal is accepted I shall give the security outfit a nod to deal with you.

I am presently a Refugee here based on the current situation in my home country. And please be informed that my life depends on this fortune as I have already notified the security Company that Ihave a foreign business partner whom should be contacted,though,no specific name is mentioned yet.I shall forward your particulars after acceptance.
Endeavour in the name God to keep the transaction confidential and reply in time because the transfer requires utmost urgency.I shall be on this e-mail for easy contact.

Best regards

AMB.BACHIR SIAKA

From Bruce to Bachir

Mr Isiaka,

Your proposal sounds most interesting to me.

Please give your security outfit the blowjobs they require to get this underway, and I look forward to doing my business on you,

Regards,

Bruce Forsyth
CEO, Butt-Plugg Investments, Ltd.

From Bachir to Bruce

DEAR MR BRUCE FORSYTH,

CONSEQUENCE UPON YOUR RESPONSE IN YOUR LAST LETTER IN WHICH YOU INDICATE YOUR INTEREST ,A MEETING WAS HELD IMMEDIATELY AND IT WAS UNANIMOUSLY AGREED WITH ALL SECURITY PERSONEL CONCERNED THAT FOR A SMOOTH TAKE OFF OF THE TRANSACTION ,THE FOLLOWING ITEMS AS REQUESTED BY THE COMPUTER UNIT AND COURIER DIPLOMAT SHOULD BE DEMANDED FROM YOU FOR PROPER DOCUMENTATION

A. YOUR FULL NAME, AND ADDRESS, TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER

B. BANK NAME, ADDRESS AND TELEPHONE NUMBER

C. BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER AND YOUR COMPANY'S PLAIN LETTER HEADED PAPER.

D. THE FIRST THREE PAGES OF YOUR TRAVELLING DOCUMENT FOR VERIFICATION BY THE COURIER DIPLOMAT BEFORE EFFECTING THE TRANSACTION

AFTER SENDING THE ABOVE REQUESTED PARTICULARS THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP SHALL BE EFFECTED AFTER WHICH YOU SHALL BE LIABLE AND AUTHORIZED AS THE RIGHTFUL BENEFICIARY TO LAY CLAIMS TO THE FUND FOR ME.PLEASE NOTE THAT YOU MAY BE REQUESTED TO COME TO COTONOU-BENIN REP. FOR COLLECTION OR IF A PROPER ARRANGEMENT IS MADE THE FUND CAN BE DELIVERTO YOU IN THEIR BRANCH OFFICE IN LONDON OR AMSTERDAM.PLEASE BEAR THAT A TOKEN AMOUNT WILL BE PAID FOR THE PROCESSING OF THE CHANGE OF BENEFICIARY THROUGH AN ATTORNEY HERE.

FURTHER MORE, ACCESSING THE LEVEL OF MACHINERIES BEING PLACED ON MOTION FOR THE SMOOTH PASSAGE OF THE FUND, AND BY THE VIRTUE OF THE POSITION OF OFFICIALS HANDLING THE TRANSFER, I FEEL SURE THAT WITH SOMEBODY LIKE YOU IN THE DEAL, THE WHOLE TRANSACTION SHALL BE HITCH FREE.

I SHALL BE EXPECTING AN URGENT AND FAVOURABLE RESPONSE FROM YOU, BECAUSE WE EXPECT TO FINALIZE THE WHOLE TRANSACTION WITHIN FOURTEEN BANK WORKING DAYS.

I HAVE AGREE ON A SPECIFIC SHARING FORMULAR MOST ESPECIALLY FOR ANYBODY HANDLING THE PASSAGE AND ACCOUNT (DETAILS TO FOLLOW).

REGARDS AND GOD BLESS.

BACHIR ISIAKA

From Bruce to Bachir

Dear Mr. Isiaka,

Please be informed of the following informations which you have requested from me:

A. Full name, adress, telephone and fax number:

Mr. Bruce Forsyth
Butt-Plugg Investments, Ltd.
102-104 Iby Avenue
Felcherton
SE10 8RR
UNITED KINGDOM
TEL/FAX: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

B. Bank name, address and telephone number:

Ringpiece & Felch,
333 Bromley Road
Catford
London
SE6 2RJ
TEL: 00449099672322 (A £1.50/minute gay sex line called "The Bollock Crimp")

C. Bank account number and your company's plain headed paper:

Bank account number: 25498624
I don't know why you need a copy of our headed paper to do this, but I have attached it anyway. Please note that unauthorised use of our headed paper constitutes a crime.

D. The first three pages of your travelling document for verification by the courier diplomat before effecting the transaction

By travelling document I presume you mean passport. Since the first three pages of a passport contain no personal information I presume you mean the last page. Please see the scanned image below.

Before this transaction can go ahead I must make a request to you in the interests of our security. Since you have asked me to provide you with my particulars I think it is only right that I ask for a similar assurance from you. Therefore, as well as our letterhead I have attached a document called "sign.doc". This is a sign with the name of our company, "Butt-Plugg" in big letters. In order that this transaction can proceed without a hitch it is important that you do one simple thing. All I need you to do is to print off "sign.doc" and take a picture of yourself holding the sign. If you can follow this instruction exactly then I will know that you are serious about this transaction. I am sure you will agree that this is a necessary and reasonable measure on my part.

Regards,

Bruce Forsyth
CEO, Butt-Plugg Investments, Ltd.


I should become a stationer really...


(This is the sign I want him to hold for me)


From Bachir to Bruce

Dear Mr Bruce Forsyth,
Thanks for your favourable response in which you demand for a security measure BUTT PLUGG with my personal photograph .
I will like to notify you that i have already taken the photograph and it is due to be ready unfailingly by tomorrow .
Sir you indicated in your response that you sent the letterheaded paper but unfortunately it was not received. The aim of demanding for the duely signed letter headed paper is for the Attorney to prepare an application on your behalf for the change of ownership to be effected and the withdrawal of the fund from the company.Your other particulars has since been submitted to the appropriate channel for verification and processings have since begun.
Please notify me immediately you receive any call from the security company because you might likely to be called.

Cheers and God bless.

Bachir Isiaka

From Bruce to Bachir

Mr. Isiaka,

Once again, please find our letterhead attached. I assure you that I sent it to you before. If you scroll to the end of this message you will see the following text:

> ATTACHMENT part 2 application/msword name=butt-plugg letterhead.doc

> ATTACHMENT part 3 application/msword name=sign.doc

The first attachment was our letterhead (butt-plugg letterhead.doc), and the second was the sign which I need you to hold up in the photograph which you will send me (sign.doc).

Regards,

Brucey


From Bachir to Bruce

Dear Mr Bruce Forsyth
Due to a sight problem experienced on Yahoo web site yesterday i was unable to download the sign doc.BUTT_PLUGG_LETTERHEAD.DOC.
Can you please resend it through this Fax number:xxxxxxxxxxxx,so that the picture will not be delayed further.
PLEASE TRY AND SEND IT IMMEDIATELY .

Cheers
Bachir Isiaka
(For fuck's sake god help him if he ever had a real business)


From Bruce to Bachir

We do not have a fax machine here. Here are the attachments for the third time. If you can't get them through Yahoo webmail try setting up your Yahoo account in Outlook Express. Alternatively, set up a different email account for the purposes of this transaction.

Brucey

From Bachir to Bruce

Dear Mr Bruce,
The message was finally downloaded today and here is the photograph as requested by you.
Note that the full transaction shall commence by Monday 17:11:2003.
Cheers
Bachir Isiaka




(Hahahahahaha...)



From Bruce to Bachir

Dear Mr. Isiaka,

I am glad you have finally managed to access the documents. Thank you for complying with my request of sending me a photo of you holding the Butt-Plugg sign- this shows that I can trust you. I hope we can have a long business relationship and I am sure that in time we will indeed fill many cracks together. Please let me know what you would like the next step of your agonizing asspounding to be.

Regards,

Brucey

 

To be continued?...

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